Looking for Hope
by 1246890942
Summary: A story based on HBO's series "Looking". This story will focus on rebuilding the relationship between Kevin and Patrick, and follows on from S02E10. This will be a mature story, about the love between 2 men. Please do not read if these topics offend you.
1. Looking for Answers

The sharp trill of the doorbell woke Kevin out of his stupor. Groggily, he rolled over, only to hit the cold side of an unslept in bed. Patrick. Fuck. Kevin's heart lurched. The doorbell continued its incessant shrill, pestering Kevin to fully awaken. He slid out of bed and stretched, his t-shirt rose slightly, exposing the merest hint of his abs.

Fuck. Patrick wasn't in the kitchen. Kevin cursed himself for being so stupid. On their moving in day. He didn't even want an open relationship. Shit. Why had he bought it up? He just wanted honesty. And now? Now he'd lost everything. Shit. The doorbell continued its chime. Whoever was on the other side was not giving up. It better not be those Grindr twats from downstairs. Kevin swore to God right then, if it was whoever found out he was Romford, he was going to rip them a new one for revealing it all to Patrick. Shit. Patrick was right. They really had to change that bell. They. Christ. Was there even a "they" anymore? Where the hell was he?

"Patrick?" Kevin opened the doors, only to be greeted by the man causing all his turmoil. "I thought…Shit… I thought you'd gone. I woke up, and I just … Fuck. I can't lose you. I won't lose you." Kevin glanced up at the love of his life stood, leaning on the door frame. "What the fuck happened to your hair?"

"I … er… got it cut," Patrick nervously ran his hand across the short, unfamiliar, stubble. "It was looking a little bit too middle aged lesbian." He smiled weakly.

Kevin reached out to run a hand through it, but then stopped himself. His hand left, awkwardly levitating in the gap between them.

"Can I come in?"

"Shit. Yes. Of course. It's our home Patrick. It will always be our home. Christ. Please say it's our home. I can't lose you Patrick. I won't lose us. Not after we've come this far."

"I know. I'm ready."

"Thank Christ." Kevin lunged for Patrick, his lips capturing Patrick's, dragging him forcefully into the middle of the apartment. Patrick's arms wrapped around Kevin, deepening the kiss, lost in the moment. Gently, Patrick put his hand on Kevin's shoulder. Slowly pushing him away.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait."

"What, what, what, what?" Kevin groaned, trying to deepen the kiss into the now empty space where Patrick had been moments previously. Not content, Kevin kept his arms wrapped around Patrick, their foreheads touching. He was not losing this connection now.

"I said I'm ready Kevin. Ready to talk." Patrick rubbed his forehead slowly against Kevin's, inhaling his scene. God Kevin smelt amazing. "I'm ready to sort this out. We can't fix this with sex. We need to talk. Like adults."

"The last time you said that, you walked away from me Patrick. I don't know how many times I can take you walking away from me." Kevin said quietly, his voice catching, as he swallowed back tears.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just needed to think…to process… to remember."

"…to get your hair cut?"

Patrick smiled weakly, "That too. New me. New hair."

"So what does Richie have to say about how I've fucked up then? Christ. I bet he's smug as shit isn't he?" Kevin exhaled.

"I didn't talk to him about it, actually."

"But you went to him? When you needed to run, he's where you went? Fucking hell." Kevin walked away and began pacing back and forth in front of the big open window. The bright sunlight glinted off the surrounding buildings, taunting at the happiness that was spreading over the city. Yet, here they were. Rehashing the same old arguments. Patrick had run; and he'd ran straight back to Richie. Christ. That hurt. More than anything.

"He's a friend. I needed a haircut. I needed space to think. That's it. Are you seriously getting judgey because I went to see a friend? After everything you said last night. The little tugs in the Sauna. A reach around in the sauna. Zac Efron? And you're going to judge me for going to see a friend? Wow. Ok. Double standards much?"

"I told you Patrick! They meant nothing! They're in the past." Kevin groaned and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing, "But Richie…it's different… you had history with. The guy's clearly still fucking in love with you. Richie means something to you."

"Then you have to trust me." Patrick said, meeting Kevin's eyes to challenge him; using his phrasing from last night to taunt him. Patrick knew it was bitchy. He knew he was twisting the knife in deeper. But seriously? Had Kevin really just had the audacity to judge him, after everything Kevin had confessed last night. "Or … you know … seeing as this is an open relationship and all. Maybe you don't need to trust me. Since it clearly doesn't matter to you who the hell either of us fuck."

"For FUCKS SAKE Patrick. How many times do I have to say it? I do NOT want an open relationship. Will you please just LISTEN to me. Ok? … Just listen." Kevin paused to look at Patrick. Patrick took a seat on the edge of the sofa and nodded once, meekly, to show he was prepared to listen. "My relationship with Jon. It was based on lies. I mean, I loved him once. Not like I love you, but I suppose I did love him. But it was tough. I got the job here. Jon was in Seattle. It was long distance, you know. And then I met you, and you tore me apart. Every minute was spent thinking about you. Every time I closed my eyes, you were all I could see. And I thought it was lust. Y'know? Like I missed Jon, and I was horny, and there you were in front of me, with your pert little arse. So, I dealt with it. Opportunities at the gym, moments in the Sauna. Little things. Jon wasn't there, and I'm your boss. Christ. I couldn't do anything with you. And it helped. The thrill… the excitement. It helped a little bit. Then I'd see you… And you'd smile at me Patrick Murray. Or I'd watch you chat with Owen through the glass. Fucking hell, I'd be jealous of Owen, sat next to you, laughing with you. You'd be showing Owen something on your computer, and he'd be leaning across you, and all I could think about is how much of a lucky bastard he is. How much I wanted it to be me leaning across you… feeling your body underneath mine. Listening to your breath hitch whenever I touched you. So then I'd go to the gym, and there would be an offer, and Jon wasn't around, and you were sending me crazy Patrick Murray. It was all because of you. But nothing was enough. And then I kissed you. At the wedding. Jesus Christ, it took every inch of my being to resist you in that tuxedo. When I did your bow tie, I would have happily taken you there and then, in front of your sister and mother."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't. My sister hates you enough as it is for breaking up with Jon. She would have never forgiven you for ruining her wedding photos."

Kevin chuckled out loud. Patrick was joking. That was good. "When I was with Jon, I wasn't happy Patrick. It was nothing like we have ever had. Not even when we first started out. Not really. It was all routine; those little moments happened because of you. I was trying to replace my feelings for you. Because everything is about you. And I thought that was me, and how I was in a relationship. I cheated when I was younger. When everyone thought I was straight because I had a girlfriend, but secretly I was hooking up with Jason from the football team every Saturday afternoon. So I thought that's how I am. It's what I need in a relationship. But it's not Patrick Murray. Those little moments? They happened because I was hiding how I feel. They're not you." Kevin took a deep breath to steady himself. He felt lighter already. Patrick was listening. He was understanding. He had to understand. "The night of the Halloween party, Jon tried to have sex with me. And I couldn't, because I felt like I was cheating on you. You'd broken up with me, and I was with Jon anyway, yet I felt unfaithful to you. It's only been you. Since we met. Only you."

Patrick got up from where he had been sat. Slowly, he walked towards Kevin, and took his hand. He looked down at it, turning it over and over in his own palm. "But you still had Grindr Kevin. And all that shit last night about Mark Ruffalo, and Zac Efron. I can't have that."

"I told you Patrick. I'll change. I'll adjust. I won't be that person if you don't want me to be. I don't need to be that person when I have you."

"I don't want to be a 14 year old girl Kevin. That girl who is convinced she can make her boyfriend change. 'Cause we all know how that turns out … 16 and pregnant."

"I'm not really sure that's a big concern for you Patrick … although I'm more than happy to make the most of our bed and practise getting you pregnant. We could be miracles of modern science" Kevin grinned seductively and tried to pull Patrick towards the bedroom.

Patrick grinned at Kevin, and then his features softened and turned serious, causing Kevin to still.

"What is it Patrick? Talk to me…"

"What if I'm not enough Kevin? What if I'm not enough to tempt you, and keep you faithful? You say you'll change … but how do I trust that? I mean, we work together, and we live together. What if you get bored of coming home to me and being around you all the time. What if some new hotty starts working in the Office, or moves in to the apartment below. And you start lusting over them in the same way you were with me. What if I become Jon. Oh Jesus. I'm going to turn into Jon. And not realise that this perfect boyfriend of mine is screwing around behind my back."


	2. Looking for Proof

"What do I have to do? Please … just tell me… I want to be with you Patrick Murray. Only you. Until our pubes are grey and our cocks are shrivelled. Just tell me what I need to do to prove that to you. I've already declared to our entire office that we're together. This flat. It's all my way of proving to you Patrick. Do you need me to take you to the U.K. and parade you through the streets of Romford? Do we need to throw a fucking party here, and I'll wear a T-shirt saying "Patrick Murray's cock is the only cock for me" so all the neighbours realise. Do you need a fucking marriage certificate and I'll change my name to Kevin Murray? Change my gym membership? Make sure you remain by my side at all times, even when I have to shit? Give you access to my emails and phone at all times? What do I need to do to prove to you that I am fucking in love with you, and only you…." Kevin ran his hand slowly down Patrick's cheek. "You need to trust me."

"Were you … are you … did you… just ask me to marry you?" Patrick whispered nervously; his eyes never leaving Kevin's.

Kevin laughed a short, bitter laugh. "Out of everything I just said…. That was what you took from all of that. Of course… If that's what it fucking takes, to prove to you, that you are enough for me … then yes, I'd marry you tomorrow. To prove to everyone here, no. Fuck them. To prove to YOU that we're it for each other. But Patrick? … When I ask you to marry me Patrick Murray, and it will be when, it will not be as part of the same angry rant about our grey pubes and shrivelled cocks."

"And Zac Efron…?" Patrick questioned quietly.

"Fuck him. Fuck the lot of them. Well … no. Don't fuck them. That's the point. I'm only fucking you… I don't know Patrick. I really don't. You just have to trust me."

"But do I have to trust you to not touch their cocks when they're out in the gym and begging you for a threesome? Or to trust that you'll be honest about it after and tell me after you've shagged them all? And then, that'll be all I can picture Kevin. You, with Zac Efron, and Mark Ruffalo, or whoever else the fuck flirts with you and your cute British accent. That's all I'll be able to see, is you, with these other guys."

"Patrick…" Kevin's voice broke, as he croaked out a mere whisper. "There won't be any other guys. Patrick. Not if that's not what you want. Those guys. They were nothing compared to you. They could never give me what I needed to have with you. And I've got you now. We've got each other. I'm not losing that." Kevin paused for a moment. Trying to gauge the unreadable expression on Patrick's face. Kevin took a deep breath. " I'll talk to you. Ok? If anyone comes on to me at the gym, or here, or when I'm getting a fucking bagel. I'll call you up Patrick Murray. And we'll come straight here, and you can take me up against that glass window, to prove to any hot guy on the street below, that you are all I need. And if Zac Efron proposes an epic threesome. I'll tell him I can't, unless my fucking hot boyfriend joins in too. I will talk to you Patrick Murray. I will tell you how I feel, and then we'll fuck it out of my system. But it will be you fucking it out of my system. No one else. Ok. We'll talk and we'll be honest. Because that's how a relationship works. But please Patrick. No more running off to Richie every time I screw up? I just don't think I can take that."

"Ok." Patrick took a deep breath. "Ok."


	3. Looking for Closure

"Ok?" Kevin asked slowly. His gaze meeting Patrick's, questioningly.

"Ok," whispered Patrick. "We'll talk. And we'll make this work. Somehow."

"Oh thank Christ," Kevin exhaled, "I've lost you once before, and when I saw that you'd gone this morning… I thought … Shit … Thank Christ." Kevin leaned in suddenly, his mouth meeting Patrick's.

Patrick drew back slowly. "I was never leaving Kevin. You gave me the option to go last night. I stayed, didn't I?"

"I know … I just … you weren't there this morning and I thought..." Kevin leaned in to kiss Patrick. His arms wrapped tightly around his neck, pulling him in deeper. Patrick responded in kind. Their lips moved in synch as Patrick's hands moved down Kevin's taut body, finding his arse and squeezing it to him.

"Come on" said Kevin, as he grabbed Patrick's hand and dragged him into the bedroom. "We need to christen the bed."

"Didn't we do that yesterday afternoon?" asked Patrick grinning.

"Yesterday, you fucked me senseless … today, it's my turn. It's only fair that it's equally christened."

Kevin pulled his shirt off over his head, dropping it unceremoniously on the floor, as he strode towards the bed. His belt followed suit, which he pulled out from his trousers with a flourish. Causing his trousers to sink lower, below that delicious V which had always been Patrick's undoing. Patrick stood stock still and gaped.

"Are you going to gawk at me, or are you going to take your clothes off and join me?" drawled Kevin, as his trousers and boxers dropped to the floor in one swift movement, before he launched himself, naked, onto the bed.

Patrick snuggled further into Kevin, his head resting comfortably in the nook of Kevin's shoulder. A perfect fit. Lazily, he drew circles on Kevin's torso, enjoying the moment of quiet and bliss that swept over the pair of them.

"So, what should we do today? Our first day in the apartment" Patrick asked gazing into Kevin's hooded eyes, his fingers continued to trace patterns across Kevin's chest. Patrick was committing every angle of Kevin's body to memory.

"Hmmm. Our apartment. Now we've christened the bed … how about we christen every horizontal surface in the apartment?" Kevin asked with a sly grin.

"Well, first of all, we're going to need to clear every horizontal surface … have you seen how many boxes there are everywhere?"

"Fine then. We can christen the vertical surfaces today. I know how much you love that window." Kevin reached in to kiss Patrick, pulling him on top of him; a smooth manoeuvre that was ruined by the loud rumbling of Kevin's stomach. Patrick laughed.

"Sounds like you need some refuelling before round two. Come on. Get dressed. We need breakfast … or, looking at the time, maybe lunch." Patrick climbed out of bed, and grabbed Kevin's shirt off the floor, before pulling it on.

"Erm… Patrick … did you just steal my shirt?"

"Why yes, yes I did. Perks of having a boyfriend the same size as you." Patrick grinned as he slid his boxers on, "Plus, it smells of you."

"Mmmmmh. That's hot."

"Now come on, we need to go … so we can get back here and I can ravish you further." Patrick grabbed Kevin's boxers from the floor, and threw them at Kevin's head.

Patrick and Kevin walked through the streets of San Francisco; their clasped hands swung as they walked. Patrick casually bumped his hip into Kevin's as they walked, sending Kevin stumbling slightly, and causing Patrick to burst into an innocent grin. Kevin turned to him and, grinning, mouthed an expletive. They paused outside of Caffé Centro, a small and bustling café. Patrick took the moment to lean in and kiss Kevin, full on the mouth.

"What was that for?"

"Just because I can. I can kiss my boyfriend, in public, full on the lips, without fear of getting caught. Without anything to hide." Patrick said happily. Kevin shot an amused grin his way, and leaned in to return the kiss.

"Come on, the quicker we get in here, the better, else I'm going to be taking you home right this minute."

Patrick pushed open the door, and with a half bow and a grin, waved Kevin in through it. Kevin walked through, and then paused to look at the menu on the board above the serving counter. Patrick, seizing the moment, sidled up behind Kevin and groped his arse with a grin. He proceeded to wrap his arms around Kevin and lean across his shoulder to take a look at the menu.

"Mmmmh. This all sounds amazing. What are you getting?" Patrick muttered in Kevin's ear, distracting him from the important task in hand. The server looked up at the pair of them, and grinned.

"Hi. What can I get you today?"

"Hi, can I get a Roast beef sandwich please, on granary, but with mustard, instead of herb alioli."

"Whole or half?"

"Whole, thanks" Kevin turned his head to look at Patrick. "I think I'm gonna need the sustenance," he laughed.

"And what can I get you?"

"Can I get the Cobb Salad, thanks. And two iced-teas."

"Salad? Why the fuck are you getting a salad? Wasn't it you that said we were refuelling?"

"I know, but, I don't wanna gain those relationship 10lbs. You know, one moment I'm hot Patrick, the next, I'm Fatrick, complacently in a relationship, gorging away on Pizza whilst watching Friend's re-runs."

"Oh Patrick," Kevin turned half to him, and grabbed Patrick's hand, he brought it up to his mouth and planted a smacker of a kiss on it. "You look wonderful. You need to worry less. I'll still do you, even when you're Fatrick." Kevin grinned, and dropped Patrick's hand down to his side, it was now firmly encased in Kevin's hand, their fingers threaded.

"That'll be $17.75 please. Would you like to eat in or take-out?"

"You better make it take-out," a nasally female voice interrupted before Kevin or Patrick could answer.

"Megan … What are you doing here?" Patrick glanced across at the direction Megan had just come from, "and Gus. Oh shit and…"

"Jon." Kevin finished quietly, as the tall male walked up behind Megan.

"Kevin," Jon replied slowly. His gaze meeting Kevin's, before it dropped to take in Kevin's hand, still encased firmly in Patrick's. "Right. Of course. What a fucking idiot I am."

"Jon, sweetie, just go back and join Gus. I'll get rid of these. Please. Don't let them ruin our lunch." Megan said, putting an arm soothingly on Jon's shoulder.

"Wow. Ok. Thanks sis. Get rid of me. Just like that. Throw me out like trash. You know, like the problem little brother I am." Patrick glared at Megan.

"So you two are … of course you are. I mean. He's wearing your shirt." Jon muttered bitterly; ignoring the feud that was taking place between brother and sister. "Since when? Did you know?" Jon glared accusingly at Megan.

"I mean… I erm … You were so upset." Megan floundered.

"You knew. Did everyone know? Christ, Halloween. Oh how I bet you all laughed didn't you. Poor fucking naïve Jon, doesn't have a clue that his boyfriend's shagging the host. Was it some kind of conquest for you Kevin? See how sneaky you could be, right under my nose? I mean. You fucking took me to his house. On Halloween. Right before we were supposed to be moving to Seattle. I should have known. It was obvious from the way you were eye-fucking on the stoop. Christ, I bet you were both making your sneaky plans to run away with each other. Laughing over how stupid I was for not realising. Did everyone know. Except me? Did everyone know you two were shagging? How long for? How long have I been this stupid to not realise? How long has everyone I have ever loved and trusted," he shot an angry glare at Megan, "been lying to me?"

"We weren't … we weren't together at Halloween." Kevin said, slowly, looking awkwardly at Jon.

"But, I mean, it's been going on a while, right? I mean, he's wearing your fucking shirt Kevin. This is hardly some new fling is it? Is it?" Jon demanded again, getting louder. "And you." He spun to Megan. "You knew? Right? I mean, he's your brother. Of course you knew. You went to the zoo with him last week. And you didn't think to tell me. All these weeks I've been sat, wondering what the hell I did to make this man leave with no explanation. And you didn't think I might want to know it was because he was secretly shagging your brother. Christ. You must all think I'm some kind of idiot."

"Jon. Please. It's not like that … I can explain. Come on, let's just get out of here. We can talk." Megan wailed in despair.

"Please don't follow me." Jon turned and walked away, motioning to Gus as he left.

"Urrrrgh. See what you've done! What you've both done! We've only just persuaded him to get out of the house and do something normal. He was so sad, and he was finally getting through it. And in your come, flaunting your new relationship in his face. How could you be so selfish! You're just like Mum! Selfishly putting yourself before other people." Megan stamped her foot in despair, glaring at her brother.

"Right. Yes. Of course Megan. This is exactly what I've planned. On the first day of living with my boyfriend, what we thought we'd do is stalk all the Cafes in San Francisco, in the slight hope that you would be here with Jon, so that we could flaunt our relationship in his face. I'm glad you think so highly of me."

Megan groaned in despair and flounced out of the Café. A bewildered Gus was left to gather up bags and coats and scurry off after her.

"Excuse me… but you're order is ready. I did it for take-out for you. That's still $17.75" the cashier muttered apologetically, having been unwilling to interrupt the tense atmosphere.

"Right. Yes of course. Thanks. Keep the change." Kevin muttered, as he slid $30 across the counter. "Let's go home Patrick?"


	4. Looking for Honesty

"Remind me why we didn't just ditch all of our stuff to Goodwill, and buy completely new?"

"Because! This is fun… Isn't this fun Kevin? Getting to know all your stuff, you getting to know all my things, us getting to work out where they all belong."

"I can think of a tonne of fun stuff I would much rather be doing … or at least … one very good looking piece of fun stuff I would rather be doing." Kevin walked slowly over to Patrick, and leaned up to kiss him.

"Mmmmh. Now, come on. No distracting me. It's not fair."

"Whoever said I had to play fair?" Kevin winked, as he walked back to the pile of crockery he was sorting through. "Do we really need five mismatched bowls? I mean … Why do you even have five? Who has five sets of anything?"

"Well, they were a set of six, but I dropped one and it cracked. So now … five. And they do match! In a super stylish non-matching way, apparently. They were a present from Megan when I moved into my old place." Patrick said with a smile and a shrug.

"Ah. So butterfingers strikes again. I suppose, if they were a present from the Gorgon, I'm not allowed to throw them out? Can't give her a reason to hate me further…"

"I'm not really sure it matters, I'm pretty sure she hates us both equally, regardless of the bowls."

"Well, fuck her then." Kevin declared as he stacked the bowls into a nearby side cupboard.

Kevin and Patrick proceeded to spend the rest of their Sunday unpacking the numerous boxes that adorned the apartment, using the opportunity to find out more about the other. Kevin discovered that Patrick relied far too much on self-help books, whilst Patrick discovered Kevin's unhealthy obsession with autobiographies of footballers, which, as Patrick pointed out, probably weren't even written by their namesake. Kevin teased Patrick mercilessly about his collection of now redundant hair products that threated to take over the bathroom vanity, and Patrick stared in further disgust at the giant Kevin Costner poster that dominated the lounge area. It was a relatively blissful and domesticated day, with a quick trip to the farmer market to stock up, and lots of laughter and teasing. Neither man was relishing the thought of returning to work the following day.

Patrick gulped, and turned to look at Kevin, who was unpacking the groceries they had grabbed. "We said, if we're doing this, we're doing it with total honestly. Right? No secrets? No lies? Just talking to each other honestly? Right?"

Kevin straightened up and turned to look at Patrick who was on the other side of the room. "Why do I not like the sound of this conversation? No conversation ever starts well when it begins like that."

"It's just. I mean. It's nothing really. I'm just being stupid." Patrick glanced sideways at the poster.

"Tell me?" Kevin walked over to where Patrick was standing, and rubbed his hands against Patrick's arms. "Tell me? Whatever it is, we can get through it Patrick, we'll find a way, so long as you talk to me."

"It's just … Ireallyhatethisstupidposter." Patrick exhaled and rushed all the words together in one.

"Wait what. This poster? Kevin?"

Patrick nodded slowly, looking up at Kevin to try and gauge his reaction.

"Oh my God, Patrick Murray, you had me worried, I thought it was something serious. No wait. This is serious. Who the hell hates _Field of Dreams_? It's such a great film!"

"Really? I mean … it's some fully grown man, who hears voices, and does what they tell him to do. By any other name, that would be schizophrenia and he would have been locked up!"

"It's about hope, and self-belief, and Ray having the belief and conviction to follow what he thinks will work. And men in baseball gear… How can you not love that?"

"But, I mean, realistically, what wife would have just stood there and allowed him to dig up a corn field, which would have brought in income for the family, in order to spend time and money on a pointless baseball stadium … on the basis of a voice in his head? It's so unrealistic."

"I'd stand there, and support you to follow your dreams, even if they based on the voices in your head." Kevin said with a smirk, leaning in to kiss Patrick. Patrick deepened the kiss, and then withdrew suddenly, glaring at the poster and dramatically shuddering.

"But… I mean … Kevin Costner. Practically life size. Is watching us. How am I supposed to make out with you on the sofa, or walk around this apartment naked, knowing he is watching me?"

"Do you really hate the poster that much?" Kevin asked, sadly.

"Well … maybe in that location? Could it not go down the hall?" Patrick asked, looking Kevin straight in the eye. "Preferably locked away in a closet?" he said with a laugh.

"Ok. I'll move it." Patrick breathed a sigh of relief. "It will look great in the bedroom, watching us as we fuck." Kevin struggled to keep a straight face as the look of horror washed over Patrick. "Your face!" Kevin exploded into giggles, and planted a smacker on Patrick's still open mouth. "I'll put it in the Office. I couldn't have Kevin Costner putting you off making out with me."

Kevin woke up to his balls tightening, and his body jerking uncontrollably. The feeling of Patrick's mouth wrapped tightly around his cock.

Urrrrgh. Kevin came with a deep shudder, shooting his load down Patrick's throat. Patrick sucked every last drop, before placing a gentle kiss on the tip of Kevin's cock, causing it to twitch at the touch. Patrick slinked his way up Kevin's body, smirking at the sight of Kevin, his breathing sharp and hurried.

"Morning," Patrick said, smirking, as he dropped a kiss on to Kevin's lips.

"Mmmmh," replied Kevin.

"Sleep well?"

"Mmmmmh," replied Kevin.

"Wake up well?" Patrick asked, laughing, teasing Kevin at his incoherence.

"Mmmmmh," replied Kevin, opening his eyes a fraction to turn and grin at Patrick. "I knew there was a reason I asked you to move in with me."

"Oh really. And why was that again?"

"Because of your total lack of gag-reflex" Kevin grinned at Patrick and winked before climbing out of bed. "Now, come on, we'll be late for work"

"Erm … excuse me… Minor situation here." Patrick glanced down at his crotch, which was erect and awaiting attention.

"Oh, I see nothing minor about that situation…" said Kevin, glancing over his shoulder. "I suppose it better come join me in the shower, and we'll have to see what I can do to help it." Kevin walked through into the bathroom and turned on the shower. "You coming?"

"I plan to! Twice!" Patrick laughed as he climbed out of bed and walked naked through to the bathroom.


	5. Looking for New Traditions Part 1

"I just love Christmas. Don't you just love Christmas?" Patrick said with a smile, as he strolled down towards Union Square, his hand firmly encased in Kevin's.

"You do realise that's the third time you've said that, in the space of half an hour." Kevin said with the quirk of an eyebrow and a wry grin.

"I just love it, the decorations, the atmosphere, even the whole celebrations of the birth of Christ thing. I'm not religious, but I kind of like the magic of it, y'know? The nativity scenes, churches, midnight mass. We'd go to midnight mass every year as a family. Do you and your family go to midnight mass Kevin?

"Fuck no." Kevin shook his head and laughed, "You know that Christ wasn't even born in December, right? This whole celebrating the birth of Christ thing is a bunch of utter bollocks."

"What do you mean he wasn't born in December? December 25th … Christmas Day … Celebrating the birth of Christ. I mean, that's the point Kevin."

"It says in the bible, in Luke, that when Christ was born, the shepherds were in the field, watching their flock. Y'know that Carol 'whilst shepherds watch their flocks by night'?… Well that couldn't have happened in December in Judaea. Shepherds always brought their flocks from the mountains and the fields, they put them in barns in the middle of October. It was too cold and wet after that to leave them out."

"I… what … but …" Patrick tried to coherently form the question on the tip of his tongue.

"The Pagans used to celebrate the shortest day of the year and the coming of the 'new sun'. Christians were jealous, so they created their own celebration – if you can't beat 'em, then join 'em, right?" Kevin said with a shrug, and then grinned at Patrick's aghast face.

"But … how do you know so much about this?"

"There's a British program called QI, this amazing bloke Stephen Fry is on it. He's like an all knowing genius. It came up on a Christmas episode. Plus, he's gay, and argues a lot about religion being hypocritical and flawed and anti-homosexuality. I dunno… when people pull out the whole 'it was Adam and Eve' not 'Adam and Steve' card to me, it was useful to pull out something that showed I knew the bible, and what utter bollocks it is."

"Oh. Right. Ok… Please don't ever tell my Mom that. She's all about Midnight Mass and meeting the neighbours and showing what good little abiding Christians we are…"

"Yup, cause with her gay son who had an affair, her selfish daughter, and the fact that your Mum's just cheated on your father … I'd say your family has the whole 'Good Christian' thing covered." Kevin raised an eyebrow at Patrick.

"Ok, ok, I still love Christmas though. Religion or not." Patrick stopped, and turned to Kevin, "I've never been in a relationship during the festive period … it's just … making me feel festive. It is the season of goodwill after all." Patrick grinned.

"I think the goodwill is meant to be sent in other people's directions, with you doing good things for other people … not you receiving all the goodwill." Kevin gave an amused grin.

"Oh Shush! I'm just happy. Let me bask in my happiness." Patrick pulled Kevin along to continue walking. "Although, that happiness is soon to disappear if I cannot find Meredith a present; I knew I'd end up with her in the work's Secret Santa. Urgh. What the hell do I get her?"

"Christ only knows Patrick. You've hated every suggestion I've made so far. Now come on, just get her anything. Who cares! I'm freezing my bollocks off here."

"Well that's because your suggestions were rubbish. If you'd suggested something better than a pink toolkit, then we wouldn't still be here struggling." Patrick stuck his tongue out at Kevin. "I'm sure you'll think of plenty of ways to warm yourself when we get home. Meredith already hates my guts because she thinks I'm your favourite..."

"Which you are…" Kevin interrupted, giving Patrick a heart-melting grin.

"At work! She thinks you favour me at work. She's in HR enough making sure you aren't discriminating against heterosexuals. I can't screw her gift up and give her more reason to hate me."

"So how do we do this?"

"Do what? Kevin questioned as he swiped his card against the scanner, and pushed open the heavy metal door.

"This." Patrick gestured up the stairs to where the sounds from the work Christmas party could be held.

"We go in. We eat free food and drink free beer. We pretend to be thankful for whatever dodgy crap we get for Secret Santa. We laugh at everyone dancing terribly. We place bets on who is going to shack up with whom. And then we fuck the hell out of there at the earliest opportunity, so you can shag me senseless."

"But… How am I supposed to act?" Patrick gulped nervously, "Am I here as a colleague? Or as the boss's boyfriend?"

"How about you're here as what you are Patrick? A work colleague who also happens to be shagging the boss?" Kevin winked.

"Well then that just makes me the same as Cynthia from PR, who's shagging Derek. And she'll have to avoid Derek all night, seeing as Derek's wife is coming tonight. Do I have to avoid you all night Kevin? Avoid anyone seeing us together?"

"I assure you Patrick, you will not need to avoid my wife this evening." Kevin smiled and turned to look at Patrick. Upon seeing Patrick looking forlornly at the ground he rested a finger under Patrick's chin, and used it to lift Patrick's face up, so their eyes met. "Look at me Patrick. You are not avoiding anyone. WE are not avoiding anyone. HR know we're living together, and it's fine. Everyone else will be here tonight with their wives, husbands, partners … so I'm going to be here tonight with my boyfriend. Ok? I'm not hiding what we have. I'm proud of us, and I want to spend the evening showing off my fucking hot boyfriend, and making everyone jealous. Ok?"

Patrick grinned. "Ok. Sorry. I'm just being ridiculous."

"Yes, yes you are. Now come the fuck on." Kevin grabbed Patricks hand and dragged him up the stairs towards their work's Christmas party.

Patrick woke with a start, and grinned with excitement. Christmas Day. His favourite day of the year. He glanced over at the naked torso lying behind him, his stomach jolted with lust, and disbelief that he was spending the day with this gorgeous man. Carefully, so as not to disturb him, Patrick crept out of bed and snuck over to his closet. Moving aside a stack of folded t-shirts, Patrick gently pulled out two small, impeccably wrapped, gifts. Having just bought a giant 50" TV for the apartment, their first shared purchase, they had said they weren't doing gifts for each other. Just the opportunity to be living together was enough of a gift. However, Patrick couldn't resist. He wanted to make Kevin happy; he grinned to himself as he straightened the bow on the smallest box. Patrick slid back into the bed and placed the two packages gently onto Kevin's chest before kissing him on the lips, a gentle peck that Kevin deepened, showing he had been secretly awake the whole time.

"Mmmmmh. Mornin'." Kevin said against Patrick's lips. "Why … What do we have here?" Kevin glanced at the two gold packages that were balanced on his torso. "Paaaaatrick. I thought we said we weren't doing gifts? We bought a TV!"

"I know, I know, but I couldn't resist. It's our first Christmas. I wanted to get you something, plus, they're only small silly things. Not really presents."

"Well … that's good. Cause I got you something too." Kevin gave an excited grin and reached into the small bed side table, before pulling out a thin envelope. He held it tauntingly towards Patrick. Patrick squealed, before thwacking Kevin in the chest.

"You said we weren't doing presents!"

"So did you!" Kevin grinned and planted a kiss on Patrick's lips. "Open it."

"No … you first." Patrick sat up, and watched expectantly as Kevin picked up the larger of the two gifts.

Kevin slowly felt the parcel, taking his time to feel and puzzle over it, teasing Patrick who wore an eager and impatient facial expression. After Patrick gave an exasperated sigh, Kevin laughed and pulled the ribbon off it, before tearing open the gold paper.

"Oh Patrick! I love it!" Kevin said laughing, as he unfolded the grey Christmas jumper that bore a large motif of a French bulldog wearing a Santa hat. "It's brilliant!"

Patrick grinned, looking pleased with himself. "I know it's only silly, and kinda tacky, but I know you like French Bulldogs, and it matches your other sweater and…" Patrick paused to take a breath, as Kevin stretched up, his abs rippling, as he pulled the sweater over his head.

"How'd I look?" Kevin climbed out of bed and posed, naked except for the comedy jumper, pulling a goofy face. Patrick grinned, speechless, at the sight of the semi-naked man in front of him. Kevin clambered back into the bed, pecked Patrick on the lips, before reaching for the second box and pulling off the matching ribbon. He opened it carefully to reveal a small watch box.

"I said the other day that I needed a watch, you sneaky little puppy!" Kevin exclaimed whilst examining the box that listed all the watches special features.

"Hmm. I know." Patrick grinned. "Well this is the number one present for your technology obsessed boyfriend, according to GamePro magazine."

"It's so cool! Look, it's got 1.2GHz Spandragon 400 processor, 512MB of RAM, a barometer, heart-rate monitor, and 9-axis!" Kevin read the list of special features off the box.

"You're such a nerd! I know you mentioned the Apple Watch, so it would connect with your MacBook, but that's not out for another couple of months, and I thought you could use one for now and…"

Kevin cut off Patrick's rambling by learning in to give him a searing kiss. It began as a thank you, but was soon deepened into something that promised much more.

"Don't distract me. I still have my gift to open!" Patrick pulled back and waved the envelope with a flourish. "Although, is it is a gift, or a card?"

Kevin pushed his gifts to one side and propped himself on his side, so he could watch Patrick. "Open it, and find out," he said with an excited grin. Carefully, Patrick slid open the envelope and pulled out the contents. It took him a moment to work out what he was looking for. He studied the pieces of card intently, turning them back and forth in his hand, with his mouth open in shock.

"But … I …. I mean." Patrick looked up to meet the eye of his boyfriend. Kevin was still wearing his Christmas sweater, with an adorable grin on his face. Kevin met Patrick's eye and nodded. Confirming what Patrick was thinking. "You're taking me to London … But … I only bought you a sweater!" Patrick exclaimed, half in excitement and half in horror.

"An awesome sweater," Kevin corrected as he pointed to the motif adorning his chest. "Plus, your present is a gift for me too. I mean. I get to spend 10 days with you. In a hotel. No interruptions. Fucking you senseless."

"I … don't even … I … Can we spare the time off work?" Patrick questioned, still in disbelief.

"Yeh, well … I know your boss is a bit of a prick but he happens to like you Patrick." Kevin gave a cheeky grin, "I mean, he said that he'd require some sexual favours in return for the time off … but I'm sure you'll be most obliging."

"Ooooh. Will I know?" Patrick swept their Christmas presents and wrapping paper off the bed, before rolling on top of Kevin. With their faces touching, Patrick muttered against Kevin's lips. "I suppose I better start finding ways to thank the boss then." He leant in to kiss him, as his hands drifted down Kevin's body, helping him remove his Christmas present.


	6. Looking for New Traditions Part 2

"Oh my god. Are we really fucking doing this?" Kevin chuckled. "I mean … he has light up reindeer!"

"I think they're cute! It's Christmassy!"

"It's not too late Patrick. We could head back to the apartment. What happened to Christmas. Just the two of us." Kevin said laughing nervously.

"They're my friends. Come on…." Patrick went to pull Kevin up the stairs to Malik's front door, glancing at the stair rail that was wrapped with fairy lights and holly leaves, before realising that Kevin was stood stock still with a sombre expression on his face. Patrick stopped, and walked back down a few steps. "Hey? Kevin?"

Kevin looked up at Patrick, and smiled a small smile. "Nothing, Patrick. It's fine." Kevin cleared his throat.

"Fine …. Kevin Matheson … are you … scared? It's just my friends. You've met them loads."

"I'm not scared … It's just … these are your friends. They've met me as your boss, and the prick who was cheating on his boyfriend with you, and now … now I'm your boyfriend. And I made you move out of your apartment with Augustin. What if they all secretly hate me? What if they tell you that I'm no good for you?" Kevin looked up at Patrick with a sad smile.

"They don't hate you. They want to spend Christmas day with us. Both of us. And if you hate it, then we'll leave. I promise." Patrick leant down to kiss Kevin. "It could be worse. We could be spending it with Megan! This'll be fun. They'll love you … I do. Now come on. It's Christmas!" Patrick pulled Kevin up the stairs towards Malik's front door. "Look! How super cute is that wreath?" Patrick said as he knocked on the front door.

"Cutie Irish Spring! Brit! Niiiiiice sweater!" The door swung open to reveal a hulking great Eddie, dressed in a Santa outfit, adorned with fairy lights. "Come in, come in."

Patrick and Kevin walked in to Malik's home, to be greeted by the entire gang. Patrick walked straight over to the love seat, where Doris and Dom were chatting, swigging from bottles of beer, and gave them both a peck on the cheek. Augustin stood up to swat Eddie on the ass, before giving Kevin a swift hug. Choruses of 'Merry Christmas' and greetings were exchanged. Malik popped his head out from behind an arch that concealed the kitchen, to wave a hello.

"Pahahahaa. Nice apron Malik. Suits you!" Kevin could not help but laugh and feel lighter at the sight of 6ft tall Malik in his apron; an apron that was adorned with the naked torso of a white male model, wearing the smallest of underwear.

"Yeh well … I know what you gays are like … you'd be spending the whole day checking me out if I wasn't careful, so I thought I'd better give you something else to daydream about." Malik said with a grin. "Now, can I get you a beer?"

"Fuck yes. Please." Kevin sighed, and took the opened bottle that Malik offered, before taking a deep swig.

"Mmmmh. Malik this smells amazing." Patrick said, as he walked up behind Kevin and slid his arms around his waist. "Can we help with anything?"

Malik had pulled out all the stops in his efforts as host, the table was filled with piles of dishes and condiments, and every person's plate was stacked high. To an outsider looking in, the softly lit room was filled with laughter, continual teasing, and the noisy sound of cutlery on china. It was like something out of a TV advert, and yet there was a genuine and honest feel to it that could never be artificially replicated.

"Patrick? Are you ok … Looked like you drifted into your own little world for a minute there!" Dom said with a laugh, getting his friends attention. "I said, could you pass me the mashed potatoes?"

"Hmm. Sorry! I was just thinking how happy I am. This isn't the fancy schmancy dinner I normally get with my family..."

"Hey! Last time I invite you!" Malik interrupted with a wink and a grin.

"…but it's perfect." Patrick smiled. "I'm surrounded by people I love, who aren't judging me, being false, or wishing I was something different. And it's just perfect. I feel so genuinely happy, and light, for the first time in a long time." Patrick glanced to Kevin who was sat beside him, their eyes met, and they shared a moment of genuine love and happiness.

"I'll drink to that and, on behalf of us outsiders, I'd like to say thank you." Malik raised his glass and tipped it at Patrick, Dom, Augustin and, lastly, Doris. "I'm taking the liberty to speak on behalf of Eddie and Kevin, but thank you. It's not easy to join a friendship group, especially not one as close as you guys, so thank you. For letting us join your world, and expanding your friendship group. And, of course, for letting me have Doris."

"You think we let you have Doris? Christ … do you even know her? " Dom said with a laugh, before raising his glass at Malik. "It's our pleasure. For all you guys. Thank you for making our friends happier than they've been allowed to be for a very long time."

"Awwwh shucks you guys! I'm gonna cry!" Eddie theatrically wiped away a faux tear as the whole gang roared with laughter.

The meal continued casually, with ease and laughter. Christmas crackers were pulled, poor Christmas jokes were told, and novelty hats were worn with great flourish. The gang helped clear away all the dishes, with each person being assigned an official job. Malik and Dom scrubbed at the pans, whilst Doris and Patrick were tasked with the drying up. Augustin wrapped the unfinished dishes in cling-film and placed them in the fridge, Kevin was giving the job of stacking all the plates and cutlery into the dishwasher, whilst Eddie assisted Kevin, mostly by pestering him to say different words, and cooing over how they sounded in Kevin's British accent. After all the clearing up with done, the gang retreated back to the lounge-come-diner and took their places at the table, as Malik and Doris pulled out a variety of puddings. The table was piled once again, this time with pies, chocolate, creams, and fruit platters, the gang dived in and piled their bowls high. The conversation and laughter flowed easily amongst the gang, feeling like a gathering of old friends, rather than a group that had recently doubled in number and was learning how to incorporate new partners.

Kevin had been engrossed in a conversation with Malik about a case that Malik was working on at the City Hall, but he began to struggle to pay full attention, as Patrick's hand began to trace a pattern on his inner thigh, carefully concealed to everyone else by the table cloth. Kevin coughed discreetly, shooting a smirk and a glare in Patrick's direction, as he subtly tried to push Patrick's hand away. Patrick took this as a direct challenge, and instead moved his hand closer to Kevin's cock, whilst still casually chatting to Augustin and Eddie across the table. Patrick ate with his right hand, as his left hand gently rubbed Kevin's crotch. Kevin clutched his spoon for dear life, as he lost the ability to focus on Malik, Patrick's hand, and eating. His eyes became unfocused and clouded over with want and need.

"You don't have to eat it Kevin… if you don't want to." Malik said, mid-conversation.

Kevin shot up straight and shook his head, looking at Malik. "Huh? Sorry….what?" he muttered.

"The tiramisu. I put a lot of coffee in it, and the secret spice is some cardamom pods. It gives it an extra kick. But if you don't like it, and it's too bitter you don't have to eat it … you don't seem to be enjoying it very much?"

Kevin tried to discreetly push Patrick's hand away from his growing erection. "No, No, it's not that. It's great." He smiled weakly, persuading no-one. Conversation stopped as the rest of the gang turned to focus on the end of the table.

Malik raised his hands in a mock peace offering "Hey, it's fine, I know my cooking rocks, I won't take offence … it's your taste buds that are screwy for not enjoying it." He laughed. Patrick raised an eyebrow at Kevin and leaned in teasingly, wondering how Kevin was going to get out of this one, his hand continuing to lightly flick over Kevin's bursting erection. However, instead of stumbling through an apology like Patrick expected, Kevin shot an evil grin. Game on.

"I'm having trouble appreciating your wonderful dessert, because of Patrick." He said pointedly.

"Ooooh. What's Cutie Irish Spring up to?" Eddie leaned in desperate for gossip, as Patrick flushed bright red.

"He's had his hand rubbing my cock under the table for at least half an hour, and it's making it extremely hard, excuse the pun, to concentrate on what you're saying, or enjoying your dessert. So, blame Patrick if you will, because I sure as hell will be." Kevin said with a laugh and an evil grin, as the rest of the table exploded into roaring laughter, led by Eddie who was cackling like an evil queen.

"Oh Christ…" Patrick's cheeks burned a deep red as he tried to hide his face, in disbelief that Kevin had called him out for it, in front of all his friends.

"Now, if you'll excuse us for not staying to wash up, we are getting the fuck out of here, so I can make sure he never, ever tortures me like this again!" Kevin stood up, not even bothering to hide his crotch, and dragged Patrick up with him. "Merry Christmas everyone. Thank you Malik for a wonderful day. Blame Patrick for cutting this short." Kevin said gruffly, smirking, as he pulled Patrick towards the door.

A blushing Patrick allowed himself to be pulled towards the door, as he blew kisses to his friend's, his cheeks still a deep red. Eddie cat-called after them, with an innuendo about the Brit taking Patrick down. Dom, Augustin and Malik exploded into jeers and cheers, whilst Doris applauded loudly.

Patrick took five steps through the apartment door, before Kevin grabbed him and spun him around. Without a word between them, Kevin crashed his lips into Patrick's. Patrick melted into Kevin, a loud moan escaping his mouth and echoing around the apartment. Patrick grabbed Kevin's shoulders, tighten the kiss and flicking his tongue across Kevin's lips, silently asking for access. Kevin obliged, deepening the kiss as his hips bucked against Patrick, in frantic impulsive need. Patrick reached out to palm Kevin's cock through his jeans, as the pair stumbled through the apartment, their lips never parting. They slammed into one of the adjoining walls, Kevin twisting so his back took the brunt of the hit, before pulling Patrick round, so that Patrick was up against the wall. Kevin leaned in closer to him and popped open the top button of his jeans. Kevin's hand slid into the waist band, as he palmed Patrick. Patrick groaned and pushed against Kevin, desperate for friction.

Kevin broke apart to catch his breath from the frantic kissing. Patrick took the opportunity to lift up the pesky novelty sweater that was currently blocking his hands from Kevin's torso, and ran his hands across Kevin's abs. Kevin reached up to pull the sweater off, Patrick whimpered at the loss of contact to his cock. Breathing heavily, Kevin kissed his way across Patrick's jaw and down his throat. Slowly, he began to undo the buttons on Patrick's shirt, gently sucking on the skin at the crook of his neck, before moving his trail of kisses down Patrick's shoulder, revealing at the skin that was being exposed as he pushed the now undone shirt off Patrick. Patrick shuddered at the content, his need and desire over-taking his capacity to think.

"The window… now." He whispered hoarsely.

Kevin reached up to capture Patrick's lips in his, breathlessly moaning, he walked backwards, his lips never leaving Patrick's as they stalked towards the window. Wordlessly, Kevin reached out to the bedside table on their route past, grabbing a condom and the sleek titanium cylinder that held lube, his lips barely leaving Patrick's as his back slammed into the big glass window.

Kevin unzippered Patrick's half undone jeans, and slid them down his ass and legs, before pulling his boxers down at the same time. His breath hitching with desire, Kevin ripped open a condom and rolled it on to Patrick's cock, which twitched at the touch as Patrick's lips began their assault on Kevin's neck. Gently, Kevin pushed him away, before dropping his own jeans and boxers to the floor. Patrick's breath hitched at the sight of Kevin, naked, in front of him. Kevin handed Patrick the lube, before turning his back to Patrick, and pressing his belly to the glass in front of them. Patrick opened the lube, and squirted a small amount on to his fingers, before slowly rubbing it in his hands to warm it up slightly.

Patrick slid in to Kevin slowly, allowing him to expand to accommodate, before thrusting once, twice. Kevin's hips bucked in response, urging Patrick deeper and faster. There was no time for gentle and slow. This was fast, and quick, a primal need for release and desire. Patrick grabbed Kevin's shoulder as he pounded into him, the sounds of sex reverberating around the apartment; skin on skin, moans of desire, and the sound of Kevin's hands hitting the glass window, desperate seeking something to clench.

"Oh Christ. Oh Shit. Oh fucking shit." Kevin reached down to palm his own erection, desperately needing release.

"Oh holy hell. I'm not going to last long." Patrick moaned into Kevin's shoulder as he quickened his speed.

"Fuck me. Harder. Christ." Kevin incoherently moaned as he twisted his head around to meet Patrick's lips, their kiss deepening. "Oh god. Patrick. I'm gonna come." Patrick wrapped his left hand around Kevin's body, pulling him upright, their lips having their own secret conversation. Patrick's right hand found Kevin's, wrapped around his cock. Together, their hands worked in harmony, as Patrick pumped into Kevin, deeper.

"Come for me." Patrick muttered against Kevin's lips. "I'm so close. Come together."

"Fuuuuuuuuuck." Kevin muttered the expletive as he came, before his forehead leant against the window. Stablising him. Kevin's hurried breath fogged up the cold glass. With a few more pumps, and his own long moan, Patrick came too, before he crashed against Kevin's back. The pair stood, their naked bodies heaving in desire, their loud breathing in synch, as they tried to form coherent thoughts. After moments, or possibly hours, Kevin pushed against Patrick, and staggered the four steps backwards to the bed, before collapsing, face up. His breathing still harsh and ragged. Patrick followed suit, and the two men lay, naked, face up, on their bed, still trying to control their breathing.

"Merry Christmas." Patrick said slowly.

"Jesus. H. Christ. I fucking love that window." Kevin said, with a grin as he took in the sight of Patrick, naked and dishevelled beside him. Slowly, Kevin rolled the used condom of Patrick's cock, before knotting it, and tossing it into the trash can beside the bed-side table. Glancing over at the window once more, Kevin smirked. "There is one problem with window sex though Patrick…"

"What? What problem?" Patrick asked, confused, leaning up.

Kevin gesticulated over to the window where the condensation imprint of Kevin's body, and two large hand smears could be clearly seen. "We're going to need the number for a fucking good window cleaner."

"Hey. Sleepy-head. Wake up." Gently, Kevin prodded Patrick. "Come on, you need to throw some clothes on, unless you want your Mum to see you naked?"

"Huh? What? Did we fall asleep?" Patrick muttered, confused, looking out at the now darkening sky.

"Mmmmh. You shagged us both exhausted. We napped for an hour." Kevin grinned. "Now get dressed!"

"Wait. What for? Did you say for my Mom? But she's not in San Fran is she? She's spending Christmas day with Andrew?"

"Yup. But you have a Skype date with her in 5 minutes. Now hurry the fuck up."

"Since when does my Mom Skype?" Patrick asked confused, as he pulled on his boxers that he had swept up from the floor.

Kevin pulled open the Macbook and watched as it came to life. He propped up the pillows on the bed, so that both boys could sit comfortably, whilst being seen by small webcam. The dialling tone of Skype could be heard as a small notification announced that "Dana Banana" was calling them. Kevin laughed at Patrick's bemused expression, before selecting "accept call".

"Hello…. Can you hear me? Andrew? Andrew! Why is it all black?" Dana's trill could be heard loudly through the speakers, as Kevin hastily leant in to turn down their volume.

"Hold on. We need to allow Skype access to your webcam." A deep male voice could be heard in the background, as Patrick's face turned to horror. He mouthed "Andrew" questioningly at Kevin. Was he ready for this? Kevin leaned over and rubbed Patrick's knee reassuringly. Dana's image came to life on the screen.

"Sorry, apparently my webcam couldn't access something or other. Hiiiiiiii boys. Merry Christmas!" Dana exclaimed loudly, her cheeks flush with alcohol.

"Mom! Hi! I didn't know you Skyped. Patrick said quizzically.

"Dana Banana! Merry Christmas!" Kevin said, leaning in to the webcam.

"Hiiiii Kevin sweetie. Nice sweater!" Dana replied. "Oh I did love your text the other day, the image of the Dog having had too much wine. Hilarious!"

"Text? What text? You text my Mom?" Patrick turned to look at Kevin. "Since when do you know how to text Mom?"

"Mmmmh. He does. We text pretty much daily, don't we sweetie?" Dana said, looking through the webcam at Kevin. "And don't be rude to your Mother. Of course I can text. I wasn't born last century you know. Andrew's been teaching me how." Dana nodded to someone, presumably Andrew, who was stood out of sight of the webcam.

"You text my Mom…. Daily?! I don't even text my Mom!" Patrick exclaimed, in horror.

"Hmm. No you don't. And you really should. Kevin's being a much better son than you are." Dana replied smiling, causing Kevin to smirk in response.

"I told you Patrick, Mum's love me! Now Dana Banana, did you have a good Christmas? Has Andrew spoilt your rotten?" Kevin leant in to the webcam.

"He did!" Dana blushed, causing Patrick to pause in disbelief. His Mom? Was blushing? "He bought me the most beautiful pair of ear-rings, I'm wearing them now. Can you see?" Dana tilted her head towards the webcam. "Anyway, enough about me, I hear you two are going to London! What a fabulous gift from Kevin, hey Patrick? He text me a link to your hotel, and it looks fabulous! You're going to have the best time. I just cannot wait to hear all about it. Now, have you heard from Megan? Or your father? Gus called earlier to wish me a Happy Christmas, but apparently Megan was too busy cooking to stop and talk. If you ask me, that girl is still sulking over Andrew and I. She always was a sulker."

Patrick shook his head in disbelief, at this new, improved version of his Mom. He thought back to previous Christmases. He'd never seen her this relaxed, or animated before. Dare he say it, he'd never seen her this happy either.

"Hey. Mom, is Andrew there? I should probably wish him a Merry Christmas…" Patrick said quietly and hesitantly. Dana beamed happily in response, and called for Andrew to come to the webcam. Kevin leaned in and kissed Patrick on the cheek, knowing this sign of acceptance was difficult for Patrick. A tall man appeared behind Dana, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Erm… Hi. Patrick. Kevin." The man waved awkwardly at the webcam. "Have you … erm … had a nice Christmas? I hear you're going to London? Great city."

Patrick reached over to grab Kevin's hand, needing the support and grounding that contact with Kevin gave him. This was a difficult olive branch to hold out, but if his Mom was accepting Kevin, it was only fair he tried.

Taking a deep breath he began his first conversation with Andrew. "Yes! I'm super excited. I've never been before…. Have you ever been to London Andrew?"


	7. Looking for Trust

"Urgh, did you remember to get the VapoRub?" Patrick asked pathetically from his sick bed on the sofa, the moment Kevin walked in through the apartment door. Kevin waved a carrier bag in Patrick's direction as response.

"Yes, I did! And cold meds, and chicken soup. Look at me, the model boyfriend. Want me to come rub some on your chest?" He asked with a laugh, as he walked towards Patrick and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Urgh, don't touch me, I'm disgusting. I don't want you to catch it too. I think I have the flu."

"You have a cold, Patrick, that's it." Kevin laughed, and walked back into the kitchen area where he began to unpack the other groceries. "So, I er … I ran into Milo and Jake in the elevator."

"Do those two just live in the elevator? I swear they're the only people we meet in the elevator." Patrick said with a sniff, before blowing his nose loudly. "Urgh."

"Oh, so attractive." Kevin grinned, "Do you want some soup now?" Upon seeing Patrick's nod, Kevin began to empty the carton of soup into a pan on the hob. "So…erm… Milo and Jake wanted to know what we're up to tonight. They're hosting a New Year's Eve Party."

"You told them that we have plans though, right? We're not going? I mean, I'm sick anyway," Patrick blew his nose loudly again, as if to prove how sick he was, "But, we said, didn't we. Christmas Day with friends, and then New Year's Eve would be just for us."

Kevin stood at the stove stirring the soup. "We did say New Year's would be for us Patrick, but we also said we were going to see in the New Year with an absolute Fuck Fest against that window, before heading up to the roof terrace to watch the fireworks, and try a bit of al fresco sex. And don't take this the wrong way." Kevin blew a kiss in Patrick's direction, "But you're hardly fighting fit for that this evening."

"But we can still have fun tonight, right? I mean, we could watch movies, or play video games. I might even let you win." Patrick grinned, before coughing loudly, and groaning.

Kevin walked across the room with a bowl of steaming soup, and a spoon. "Why don't you focus on eating this, and getting better, and I'll worry about my plans later? Ok? You know I'd win anyway." Kevin sat on the sofa beside Patrick, before wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him in for a kiss on the forehead.

"I can't believe you're really going." Patrick whined from the sofa, as Kevin stood in the lounge, ironing a shirt, whilst wearing only a pair of jeans that sat dangerously low on his hips.

"Paaaatrick. We've been through this." Kevin said, with a warning edge in his voice.

"I know. But it's New Year's Eve. We have plans." Patrick said indignantly, before dissolving into a large coughing fit.

"I know we did Patrick, but you're sick, and you need to rest." Kevin said with a small smile at his stubborn boyfriend. "I'm only going to pop in for an hour. Seriously. I'll be back before you know it."

"And you need to be wearing your best shirt for that hour, do you? The one that makes your eyes sparkle and your pecs pop and your cute British accent sound even more cute and … and … British."

Kevin grinned and raised an eyebrow. "If I didn't know our relationship better, and know that we were going for total honesty, then I would say you were jealous Patrick Murray … but I mean…" Kevin tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at Patrick, "that would be utterly ridiculous and you couldn't possibly be jealous, seeing as I know we agreed to talk about anything that might be bothering us, or affecting our relationship, and you've not said you're jealous, and you insist you trust me. Sooo…" Kevin scrunched his eyes up and looked at Patrick questioningly. "So… what the fuck is it?"

"Urgh. It's just. You know what happened last time we were there Kevin. They all came on to you, and then we had our first fight. And I don't want that to happen again. And you're going to look hot. And you'll be on your own, and all cute and British. And they'll be throwing themselves at you as new meat. And I'll be up here, looking like a troll and not one of the good and sexy ones from our games." Kevin laughed loudly at that. "And I just. I'm not jealous, I'm not. And I know you say I need to trust you, and I'm trying, I really am … but I just don't trust them." Patrick said softly, and finitely, looking up at Kevin to gauge his reaction.

Kevin turned off the iron, and walked over to the sofa where Patrick was wrapped up in a blanket clutching a tissue. Kevin perched on the little glass coffee table so that he and Patrick were at eye level. "Look at me Patrick… I know that if I fuck this up, then I lose you. I know that monogamy is non-negotiable to you, and I'm changing. I really am. Anytime anything is tempting, I just have to think of that fact that I'd lose you, and then that temptation? It's gone. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is worth losing you for." Kevin ran a hand softly down Patrick's cheek. "We have this apartment, we have this life, everyone at work knows, we're going on holiday, your Mum loves me, and you're going to meet my parents, so help me God! I'm not losing this life Patrick. I'm not losing you. And you have to trust me that I'm not going to fuck this up." Patrick sniffed loudly, a cross between his cold, and the tears that were threatening to spill. "But Patrick? Part of this trusting me, is allowing me to prove that you can trust me. We've been together 24-7 since we moved in together, and I'm not complaining, you know I'm not." Kevin smirked at Patrick. "But, part of trusting me, is letting me do things on my own, and knowing that you are who I come back to. So, that's why I'm going to this party. I'll only be there an hour, and I'll be back here before you know it to see in the New Year with my overly paranoid, jealous, and insanely hot boyfriend. Trust me. Ok?"

Patrick nodded, and leaned in to kiss Kevin on the lips. "I know." He said sadly. "And I do, I do trust you…just … does it have to be with them? Couldn't it be with Meredith! Or something old and straight and female."

"They're our neighbours Patrick. And if we're going to be living here a long time, then we need to get on with them. Plus, they only way they can know we're not available is if they actually see us."

"I dunno. I think locking you in this apartment and treating you as my sex slave sends a pretty loud and clear unavailable message to them all." Patrick said with a little humour, before pausing to seriously consider that suggestion.

"Mmmmh. I love the sound of that idea." Kevin planted a smacker on Patrick's lips. "You work on getting better so that we can put that plan into action… I'm going to go with the mature and sensible adult way of just talking to them, and rejecting any advances."

Kevin walked in to the apartment two hours later, bracing himself for the fallout from Patrick, having stayed longer than anticipated. It had been hard to get away with how friendly everyone had been, and, he admitted to himself, it was nice to have a chance to chat and meet people as his own person. Patrick's friends were great, but they were still Patrick's friends. The same with their work colleagues. It wasn't that people hadn't welcomed him … it was just … everyone knew Patrick first? It had been nice to meet all of their neighbours just as Kevin, a British gaming designer who lived with his boyfriend in San Francisco.

Kevin was surprised at the silence from Patrick. There was no sarcastic retort about it being 11pm, or Kevin having got lost somewhere in the apartment block. Was he sulking? Cautiously, Kevin peered over to the sofa, before realising that Patrick was sound asleep, wrapped in his blanket. Closing the door quietly, Kevin tiptoed into the apartment. He crept past the sofa so as not to wake Patrick, and walked into the bathroom to ready him for bed. Stripping off his shirt and jeans he pulled on some pyjama trousers. On his way back into the bedroom he grabbed the pillows and the duvet from their bed. Padding back to the sofa, he propped Patrick's head up on a pillow, before covering him in the duvet. Carefully, so as not to disturb him, Kevin slid in beside Patrick, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. Instinctively, in his sleep, Patrick murmured and snuggled into Kevin's chest. Kevin gave him a kiss on his forehead, before reaching over to the laptop that Patrick had left on the coffee table. A website displaying the "Top 10 Tourist things to do in London" was open in the web browser, causing Kevin to smile. Kevin began to browse the open tabs, seeing what Patrick had been planning for their stay, whilst keeping an eye out of the big glass window for the fireworks that would soon be denoting the arrival of 2015. Snuggled on the sofa, his boyfriend in his arms, planning their first holiday, Kevin couldn't think of a better way to welcome the New Year.

"Morning." A sleepy Patrick said, snuggling deeper into Kevin's torso.

"Mmmmh. Happy New Year." Kevin responded with a smile on his face, before he slid off the sofa. "You feeling better?"

"Mmmh. Much. Where are you going?" Patrick whined. "Urgh. Did we sleep on the sofa?" he asked confused, suddenly aware of his surroundings.

"I need a piss Patrick. And yes we did. You were doing your best gay Sleeping Beauty impression last night, and I didn't wanna disturb you."

"I'll have you know, I'd look hot with blonde pigtails. Thank you very much."

"Erm … Sleeping Beauty didn't have blonde pigtails Patrick. I think that's some weird fantasy of yours there." Kevin laughed as he walked through to the bathroom. Patrick heard the sounds of the shower turning on, and smiled at the thought of Kevin naked, in the shower. Before he could allow his imagination to run riot with that, the object of his imagination returned, with just a towel round his waist, and began fixing a pot of coffee.

"You taking a shower?" Patrick asked.

"Er… yeh. Well done Sherlock Holmes. Just letting it heat up. You know I like it hot. " Kevin said, with a smirk.

"So … erm … I didn't hear you come home last night?" Patrick said, braving to touch upon the questions that were niggling him on the inside.

"Like, I said, you were sound asleep when I got in. I didn't wanna disturb you." Kevin replied, his back to Patrick as he moved around the kitchen.

"So … erm … did you erm … have … fun?"

"Yeh. It was good." Kevin walked over to Patrick and handed him a cup of coffee, before walking past him and heading back towards the bathroom.

"Ok. Good. I'm glad." Patrick said, with a somewhat petulant tone to his voice.

Kevin stopped. "Paaaatrick." Kevin's voice held a warning edge.

"What? I'm glad you had fun." Patrick sat on the sofa, still wrapped up in the duvet, looking out of the window… avoiding looking at Kevin. Knowing the sight of him in a towel would cause his resolve to crumble.

"Patrick. Just ask me."

"Ask you what Kevin? I have nothing to ask you. Should I have something to ask you?" Patrick said quickly, and defensively.

"So… you're not dying to ask if I was invited to an orgy then, or if I took part, or if Milo, or Jake, or any of the other vanilla cupcakes invited me for an epic threesome. It's not eating you up inside to know if I was tempted to join them, or if, heaven forbid, I actually strayed and cheated on you last night." Kevin said walking slowly towards Patrick. Challenging him. "You're telling me, that none of that is floating around your head, right now, desperately, burning to interrogate me?"

Patrick gulped. "No… I mean … I said I trust you. Right? So … no. It's fine. Totally fine."

"Uh huh." Kevin stood with his hands on his hips, his towel sunk low, exposing the V. "Patrick. Just ask me." Kevin raised an eyebrow in his direction. "We said we'd talk. We said we'd discuss the things that are bothering us. Trust isn't about keeping these things in, and letting them eat you up inside, so it's all you can imagine … trust is knowing you can be honest, and that other person isn't going to run off. Trust is knowing you can say anything that is scaring you, and know that I will reassure you, and answer honestly. So … trust me. Ask me what you wanna know."

"I mean. It's nothing. I trust you Kevin. I really do. I just … hate being apart from you, and knowing you were with them. I don't trust them. I mean … did they … did they try anything….?" Patrick asked nervously, daring to look at Kevin.

"Fuck. Patrick. I wish you'd been there." Kevin scuttled back to the sofa with a laugh. "There was this new kid, he's moving in to flat 2 in the next few weeks, and Jake and Milo had obviously cornered him at some point and invited him. Skinny, nerdy little fucker. He's a web designer, just moving into the city. But they were all over him. You've never seen a guy look so scared. I mean, Christ, I had to rescue him about 6 times from Milo and his double entendres."

"You … you … had to rescue him?" Patrick asked, nervously.

"Er … yeh," Kevin said laughing, "I mean, I'm not even convinced he was old enough to drink! And his girlfriend wouldn't have approved of him experimenting."

Patrick laughed. "Girlfriend?"

"Yup! I think Milo and Jake were making it their personal mission to convert him."

"So, we're no longer the new meat?"

"We are no longer new meat, Patrick Murray. There is a new challenge in the building. We're also getting old apparently." Kevin leaned in to give Patrick a kiss. "Now come on. You're all germy. Come shower with me and get clean." Kevin got up and walked back towards the bathroom.

"Ooooh. Why do I feel your attempts at getting clean, often get me dirtier?" Patrick asked with a laugh as he leapt off the sofa, before jogging up behind Kevin and removing his towel with a flourish, causing Kevin to mock squeal.


	8. Looking for Fairness

"I wonder what that was all about?" Owen said, looking up at the men in suits who were shaking Kevin's hand as they left his office and walked through MDG.

"Hmm. I dunno." Patrick said, glancing up and trying to read Kevin's expression. He'd been watching the meeting through the glass windows for the last two hours, unable to concentrate on work, and was still none the wiser why Kevin was in a meeting with the head of MDG, a HR representative, and two men in suits he didn't recognise.

"Yeh. Right. Of course." Owen scoffed.

"Seriously! I told you guys, Kevin won't talk to me about work meetings. He can't. I mean he didn't really know what this meeting was about anyway. But he's not allowed to talk to me about this stuff outside of work. It was a HR thing. Anything he wouldn't be allowed to tell the team, he can't tell me ... anyway ... we talk about other stuff at home. Not just work!"

"Hmmm. Right. I'm sure." Meredith said with a sniff. "Kevin sure does look down though. Someone's clearly pissed in David Beckham's coffee."

Patrick glanced up at Kevin who was now sat at his desk, his head in his hands. "Would you er... excuse me guys?" Patrick said, before leaving his desk and scuttling over to Kevin's office. Patrick slid open the glass door, whilst tapping gently to alert Kevin to his presence. Kevin glanced up and gave Patrick a sad smile. "Hi. Is ... er ... Is everything ok Kevin?" Patrick asked cautiously, not quite daring to enter Kevin's office, for he could feel Meredith's stare on his back.

"Mmmmh. Yeh ... Er ... Can you ... er ... can you get the team into the conference room in five? We need a group meeting." Kevin said.

"Right. Yeh ... Of course." Patrick said. "Is everything ok though Kevin? Are you ok?"

"Yeh. It's erm .. fine Patrick. We'll do lunch, on the roof after? We ... erm ... we'll need to talk? About what I tell the others?" Kevin said solemnly.

"Right. Ok. Sure. That sounds serious Kevin?"

"It's sort of good news for the team. Honestly. It's just ... it's complicated Patrick. Can you get the team in the conference room? I just need to copy these files and then I'll be in there."

"Yeh ... ok... sure." Patrick said, before slowly leaving the doorway of Kevin's office.

"Everything ok?" Owen asked, as he and Meredith looked up expectantly at Patrick's return.

"Er... yeh ... I dunno. He's calling an urgent team meeting in the conference room. Now." Patrick said in a puzzled way.

"Oh right. So you've been promoted to being his Personal Assistant now have you? Ahead of all of us on when meetings are. Figures." Meredith said.

"Meredith, I have no clue what this is about. He just asked me to get everyone into the conference room because I was stood in his office doorway ... as you well know because you were watching me." Patrick responded briskly. He was done with pleasantries or trying to appease Meredith, he was too worried about Kevin. Patrick's stomach twisted in knots, as he worried about the tone of Kevin's voice.

"Hi guys. Thanks for erm ... putting your stuff on hold and making it in here at such short notice. Sorry about that. It's erm ... It's good. I promise. I had a meeting this morning with Mr Simmons, the head of MDG, and two of his friends. His friends are both videogame obsessives, and big supporters of the work we do here at MDG. The work that all the teams do at MDG. Erm ..." Kevin glanced down at the pile of papers he was clutching in his hands before looking at the team of expectant faces that was sat around the oval table, staring at him. "At a recent dinner party with Mr Simmons they were discussing a gap in the gaming market... Both men have young teenage daughters, and they were discussing the lack of video games for the young females. Erm ... So they ... They've put up some financial backing to Mr Simmons to develop a new range ... to target the 13-18 year old female demographic. Something they'd be happy having their daughters play."

"I've always said that we need to develop more games for females." Meredith said with a nod. "So ... how do we fit in to this then Kevin?"

"Right, yes, excellent point Meredith, I was just getting to that. They want us to create a proposal. A prototype if you will, of a game for females. They'll come back at the end of next month, and then if they like what we present, then they'll go in with shares with Mr Simmons to get the game developed. It's a really ... Really ... big opportunity for this team. So, erm, what I've done, is erm, I've copied off the specifics for their requirements."

"What about our other projects Kevin?" Owen said, glancing at Patrick who was fiddling with his pencil.

"Right. Yes. Great. What we're going to do is clear our schedules for the rest of this week. Any work on other games and glitches is to go on hold until the start of next week. I want each pair, so a designer and their visual artist to work together, and sketch out the idea for your game, that erm, that meets, that meets these requirements." Kevin pointed to the stack of papers, and began to hand them out to each pair. "So, erm, you'll have until Friday to sketch something out. Then, Friday afternoon we'll re-group in here. Each pair will present their ideas. Myself and Mr Simmons will be watching, and we'll decide which proposal interests us most. We'll select one, or at most two, to be pursued. Those pairs that are unsuccessful will go back to working on all our other projects. The teams that will be selected, will, well, they'll get a month, to work alongside me, to design a full proposal for Mr Simmons and his friends. And erm ... well ... if they like what they see in a month's time ... then then it will be a new game for our team to develop." Kevin said with an excited grin. "This is a really big opportunity."

"And, if we're selected," Joe, another gaming designer spoke up, "who takes on our other work?"

"Right. Yes, that'll be split and divided up amongst the rest of the team. Obviously, I do appreciate that it will mean more work for others, but, I mean, I think if we all band together, then we can really, really make this something. It's a really fantastic opportunity and we're lucky to be given this chance."

"Why did they select our team?" Meredith asked. "I mean, not that we aren't great, and I am the only female working within a design team at MDG, so it seems only fitting that our team should be selected, but why did Mr Simmons pick us?"

"Erm ... well ... Mr Simmons didn't pick our team. Erm ... his friends did. They erm ... well ... they liked the work that our team has done before, they liked some of the work that they knew I'd done before I joined MDG, they're big players of Naval Destroyer and erm ... they erm ... they liked the female character that Patrick designed for Naval Destroyer. They thought she was the right amount of sexy and intelligent, interesting without being too provocative for their daughters, so erm ... they specifically requested our team." Kevin said, with a glance in Patrick's direction. Meredith sniffed discerningly. "Right. Erm ... are there any more questions?" Kevin looked around the team. "Right. Ok. Well." He glanced at his watch. "Why don't we split for lunch, and then return in an hour, to work in pairs and see what we can drum up this afternoon?" Kevin nodded at the team, to dismiss them. As the team stood up to leave, Kevin suddenly realised one bit of information he had forgotten, "Oh, erm, guys, the pair whose idea gets selected? They'll be leading the rest of the team through the game design, and heading up the project, so Mr Simmons has promised a bonus for the successful pair, to reflect the additional responsibility. Owen, can you ... erm ... can you drop by my office when you return from lunch please?" Kevin smiled as he saw the bounce return to his team, who scurried off to look through the paper work, and discuss their initial ideas. Owen went to grab Patrick, before seeing the look that passed between Kevin and Patrick. Thinking better of it, Owen left the conference room puzzling over why Kevin would specifically request to see him.

Kevin glanced at Patrick, who was still fiddling with his pencil, and staring questioningly at Kevin. This all seemed really positive to Patrick, but there had been no mistaking Kevin's tone from earlier in the office, which meant that Patrick knew something else was amiss.

"Shall we, erm, grab some lunch? And head to the roof?" Kevin said nervously.

"Yeh. Ok. Sure." Patrick said, somewhat apprehensively.

"So ... this is good and exciting, right?" Patrick asked, trying to put a positive spin on the conversation that he instinctively knew would be negative. "I mean, I'm super excited that they loved my female character for Naval Destroyer. I told you that you didn't just have to be gay to play as the female!"

"Patrick ..." Kevin said, slowly and quietly.

"I mean ... this will be such a big opportunity, and so exciting. I mean, to head up the team in a game design is a super exciting responsibility. And one that works on subverting stereotypes. And I mean, we have experience on that from One Up Him."

"I'm not really sure Hookers, Bears, and Sugar Daddies were exactly the sort of positive experiences these guys are after, for their daughters." Kevin said with a small smile. "Patrick." Kevin repeated slightly more firmly, before placing a hand on Patrick's shoulder to calm him down. "I can't select you Patrick."

"What do you mean you can't select me? For what?"

"For this Patrick ... for this project... No matter what you and Owen design." Kevin looked down at the floor, unable to meet Patrick's eye. Slowly, he moved him over to the wall so they were seated. "That's why HR were in the meeting too, because I can't select you."

"What do you mean? Why not?" Patrick asked confused.

"Think about how it would look Patrick. They're already keeping enough tabs on us, and if I selected you to work on a big project, with extra money and responsibility and more time spent together in the office ... Christ ... everyone would think it was favouritism. No matter how great your proposal was."

"HR said that?" Patrick asked slowly. "HR said you couldn't select me?"

"Well ... not in so many words." Kevin looked at Patrick, trying to gauge his reaction. "But it was implied. Plus, think about it, we have to have the initial ideas by Friday. And then designing starts for a month. For 10 days of that we're both in London. Mr Simmons was fucking pissed off about that enough, wanting me to cancel my holiday so that I'd be here to work on the project."

"Whaaat ... .you haven't? But ... we're supposed to be going to London!" Patrick said indignantly.

"No! Of course I haven't silly!" Kevin scoffed, and grinned at Patrick's indignation, before his expression turned serious again. "But can you imagine if I selected you, and then we both went to London. That means for 10 days Owen would be alone doing the visual designs, with no gaming designer working on the project. It would never be finished in time Patrick."

"But we could have worked on it in London, together ... if you can't select me, then what about Owen, then he has no chance at the bonus either. That's not fair."

"That's why I need to talk to him. They still want you and Owen to design a proposal. But if your idea was selected, then Owen would have to select another game designer to work on it with. He'd still get the bonus, and whomever he picks would too, for the work they put in to heading up a team."

"But ... but ..." Patrick tried to sum up the thoughts that were flying around his head. "That's so unfair! It would be my idea, and someone else would get the credit. I've always worked with Owen. He's my visual artist. They, they can't do that!"

"They already have Patrick." Kevin said softly.

"But ... I mean ... that's such bullshit! Here's Meredith worrying about discrimination against heterosexuals ... and now they're fucking discriminating against us ... why did you take this project on Kevin? This is just so shitty." Patrick said sadly.

"I nearly didn't Patrick. Christ, I nearly, fucking, didn't. I wanted to send them packing the moment they implied I wouldn't be able to give you the opportunity."

"Well ... why didn't you?" Patrick asked defensively. "Is this more important than standing up for me? For us?"

"Because... because I told HR that we could cope with working together, because we told them that you didn't need to move to another design team just because we now lived together. That I would cope with being your boss, and that we'd overcome any issues that arose. I could hardly through a fucking shit fit at the first unfair thing that came our way ... And because it's a really big fucking opportunity for our team Patrick. And if I hadn't have accepted it, then one of the other design teams at MDG would have got it. And they selected us."

"Yeh ... because of MY female character." Patrick said huffing.

"Hey, I know." Kevin said, leaning in and resting his hand on Patrick's knee. "But I mean, this is a huge, exciting opportunity... It comes with a huge bonus for me Patrick. For us. For London. And, I mean ... it's massive for the team. For them to work on something like this. And whichever designer and artist are selected, it's a big thing for them too. Think how great it will look on their CV. I couldn't take it away from them."

"Their C what?"

"Their CV ... Curriculum Vitae? Oh ... erm ... resume."

"Right." Patrick nodded. Clearly still sulking.

"But Patrick, I want you to put your all into this proposal. Please."

"Why?" Patrick said sulkingly. "So I can watch Meredith, or B.O. Joe take all the glory for mine and Owen's game?"

"No ... because then we can prove to HR, and to Mr Simmons, and to fucking Meredith, the reason why you're the best person on the team, and how fucking ridiculous they're being. And because we can use this as a chance to prove that just because we're living together, we can keep our working relationship professional. Ok? This project, for us, is about so much more than just a good game design."

Patrick looked up to meet Kevin in the eye. He sighed, before nodding. "It's still pretty fucking shitty though."

"I know. I'm sorry Patrick. I really fucking am." Kevin lent in to give Patrick a quick kiss on the lips.

Patrick kept his eyes closed, and lent against Kevin's forehead, before sighing loudly. He pulled back and took a large bite of the sandwich he was holding, before realising he was no longer hungry.


	9. Looking for Equality

"You ok?" Kevin asked Patrick, as they walked hand in hand towards Most Dangerous Games on Friday morning.

"Yeh … I think so." Patrick said, pausing to sip from his coffee cup. "I mean, Owen and I … we've done all we can. We couldn't be more ready."

"I'm so proud of you Patrick." Kevin stopped to look at Patrick, as they paused to cross the road. "Whatever happens today, you and Owen have worked so hard. But, I'm just proud of you." Kevin smiled and rubbed his thumb across the back of Patrick's hand as the lights changed, allowing them across the street.

Kevin and Patrick headed in to the Office, with Kevin subtly dropping Patrick's hand as they walked in through the door; an act that saddened Patrick each morning.

"I'll see you later?" Patrick said as he reached his desk and sat down.

"Er … yeh … You'll see me all day if you stare through the glass." Kevin said with a wink, and a nod towards his glass office before casually placing a hand on Patrick's shoulder and squeezing it gently. It was the same soft goodbye that Kevin gave Patrick every morning, showing his reluctance to leave him, even just to be a few feet away, or possibly because they were only a few feet away and it felt like more of a torture. However, too soon, Kevin lifted his hand off Patrick's shoulder, and instead waved a greeting at some of the members of his team who had come in early to work on their presentation for this afternoon. It never ceased to amaze Kevin how hard his team were prepared to work, and their dedication to this project had not gone unnoticed.

Kevin welcomed Mr Simmons in to the conference room, before introducing him to the rest of the team, and reminding them of the product design brief. Kevin looked around at his team, who were watching him eagerly, before asking Joe and his artistic designer Matthew to take up the first presentation. Kevin exhaled as he sat down, and fired up his Macbook Air to start taking notes. In all honesty, Kevin had no idea how this afternoon would go. Even with the same brief, each design team had come up with an entirely different product. It had surprised Kevin, his team were used to fine tuning, and creating end-designs … not starting up a product from scratch, with no market research or initial design. Yet, here they were, each pair had relished the challenge, and thrived on the opportunity of creating something new, and fresh, with very few restrictions. Kevin had really enjoyed the opportunity to work with each pair over the week, and understand their thought process. Kevin shook his head, and tried to focus on what Matthew and Joe were saying. From the looks of the character that was doing a 360 degree rotation on the TV screen, they had created a Lara Croft-Katniss Everdeen hybrid. A female fighter who could be put into different design locations to complete quests, fighting using a variety of weapons. Kevin nodded along with Mr Simmons, who was taking copious notes. This looked optimistic, Kevin thought to himself, and something that would interest their financial backers. Although, her costume may need work; 'Too sexy?' he wrote down. It would be a difficult balance to market her as a strong female, intended to inspire teenage females, rather than a fantasy sexual figure for men that would isolate young women.

Kevin was startled by the sound of polite applause, and he realised that Joe and Matthew had finished. Hastily, Kevin joined in the applause, and thanked Joe and Matthew for their hard work. He looked to Mr Simmons for any questions, before asking Meredith and Gabriel to get ready for their presentation. Meredith and Gabriel were in charge of the graphics for Most Dangerous Game's "Powerhouse Glory", and it did not surprise Patrick to hear Meredith presenting a feminine version of the game, with female characters who went through body building, and strength challenges, instead of the already masculine characters. Kevin nodded along with Mr Simmons, who was playing polite interest, but made a note on his laptop that this concept struck him as too old for the 13-18 year old demographic. He wasn't sure parents would approve of their daughters partaking in body building bikini parades … although, he did make a note to look at expanding a female section of "Powerhouse Glory." He could see the female characters appealing to the game's male fan base. Kevin caught Patrick's eye, and nearly dissolved into giggles at Patrick's aghast face. He knew Patrick was having the same thought as him: Meredith was definitely more manly than him and Patrick put together. Dammit. Put-together. Bad choice of phrasing. It reminded Kevin of how he and Patrick had "put-together" this morning in the shower. Shit. Kevin shook his head and tried to regain focus. He was the boss for Christ sake, not a teenage boy. Surely he could get through a three hour presentation without thinking of sex? Apparently not, when the object of his sexual desires was sat on the other side of the room.

Two more teams presented, one presenting a travel game, where girls could take their characters around the world, with different challenges depending on where in the world they went, whilst the other presented a game where girls created a Sim style character. Here, they could place their character into a variety of different job roles, and earn points depending on how well they succeeded within that job role. Kevin took notes, and asked copious questions for both these games, he could see their clear potential and felt they met the design brief well. Both games would be entertaining, whilst having an educational input. He felt it would appeal well to their financial backers, and to parents alike, whilst be appropriate to 13-18 year old girls and he knew Marketing would find either of them an easy game to publicise.

Patrick stood up, and walked to the front of the conference room, fiddling to set his laptop up to the projector. Kevin's stomach flipped. Shit. He'd managed to ignore the fact that Patrick was presenting, and now he was struck with sudden nerves for Patrick. He hadn't dared ask what Patrick and Owen were designing, or work with them at all to offer any kind of guidance; Kevin hadn't wanted to look like he was giving them additional help, or had inside knowledge. Kevin took a moment to observe Patrick; he was bending down over the laptop, biting his lip. A habit that Kevin knew meant that Patrick was nervous. Kevin's heart lurched at that, he longed to pull Patrick into a hug, or wish him good luck, but he knew he couldn't. Instead, Patrick glanced up, and Kevin gave him a small smile, the most he could do before he beckoned Patrick and Owen to begin their presentation.

"Wow, ok. Hi." Patrick said, with a smile. "Erm … so, there have been some really great presentations, and some super tough acts to follow, so erm… Owen and I have been working on our own game. And at first, we were thinking pink and girly, or super educational y'know. And then we thought … no. We work at Most Dangerous Games. We want to create a product that is true to our company, and the standards we uphold: these are games that are dangerous, and take the player on an adventure; one that involves great risk and death. It didn't seem fair to be encouraging today's girls to conform to gender norms of being small little females who have to bake, or clean. We wanted to look at a way of subverting that stereotype, whilst still meeting the design brief of something parents would be happy for their child to play."

"Right. It seems unfair that the design brief for a game for girls is for something educational, and yet, at Most Dangerous Games, we've never had to make a game that is educational for boys." Owen picked up where Patrick had left off. "That said, we don't want to undermine the educational value of video games: logic skills, strategy, memory retention, hand-eye coordination to name a few. We use these skills to market games to teenage boys, and in the interest of gender equality, Patrick and I wanted to focus on these skills for the female market too."

"Exactly." Patrick took a deep breath and smiled, before clicking on their presentation, where the image of a CGI Gothic castle popped up on screen. "So, we looked at Popular Culture, and looked at a way of meeting that danger and adventure, in an environment that would feel familiar to females. And it struck both Owen and I: Fairy tales. And not safe Disney tales." Patrick gave a small laugh. "But fairy tales have a feminine appeal, and yet, some of the more original tales are really dark."

"So, it was the dark and Gothic edge that I used when I created this as the traditional fairy tale castle. Which struck us as one of the key locations for a fairy tale-esque video game." Owen said, doing a 360 degree rotation of the castle.

"Because what's a fairy tale without a magical castle, right? But that also opens us up to danger and adventure elements: there's opportunity for hidden tunnels, map reading, secret trap doors, and all the elements we're used to seeing in a more male orientated video game." Patrick continued, as Owen moved the presentation on to a Blueprint of the floorplan of a castle.

"Obviously we'd expect game play to move beyond just the castle location." Owen said. "Using the traditional fairy tale for inspiration, we'd be expecting magical forests, haunted shacks, woodlands, mountains, lakes, all the locations you'd find within a fairy tale."

"All of these locations open up for danger and adventure, they maintain the very fundamentals of Most Dangerous Games, whilst having a feminine edge to them." Patrick said with a smile.

"And, they're a visual design dream." Owen added, showing a screen of different CGI style locations. "The fantastical element allows us to really explore new locations, with no boundaries, and to bring in so many elements of mystery and danger."

"Of course, for any videogame, the key element is the lead character." Patrick flicked over, to a screen filled with the traditional Disney princess image. Tall, blonde and elegant, she was wearing a ball gown and a tiara whilst smiling serenely. "Allow us to introduce you to Princess Caprice. Our own interpretation of the fairy tale Princess."

"The difference with our game is," Owen cut in, "that Princess Caprice can be the lead character that you play with, she can be the fair Princess in need of rescuing … or perhaps she's the wicked Princess, holding someone captive." Owen said, as the screen shot to an image of the same Princess, now wearing an evil glare, and dressed in a black gown, with long black gloves.

"Right, maybe she's holding the Prince captive in the hope he falls in love with her." Patrick turned the screen to an image of a clichéd Disney Prince. "Or maybe she's jealous, and holding another Princess captive, because the Prince is in love with them, rather than Caprice."

Owen took a deep breath, before stepping forward to reveal the big plot twist in their game. The one element that Patrick and Owen felt made their game different to anything on the market. "The difference with our game is we want the player to dictate the journey they go on. They choose which character they play with, which character they rescue, and which character is the evil villain. Each character would have strengths to make them a great player to play with … but these strengths also make them a very different villain to battle. It means the game would have a variety of game routes, depending on the combination playing with, and that would create a number of challenges and adventures. Theoretically, with just 5 characters, you would be able to play the game about 125 different ways, depending on which 3 characters you selected. From a visual design element, each character would change subtly if they were the good guy, the person in need of rescue, or the villain. Lots of black, and evil looks if they are the villain."

"And more clichéd lighter colours if they are the good guys." Patrick added. "But, we think it makes it totally unique. Right? I mean, there aren't many games you could play where one day you are the Princess, rescuing a Prince … or even a Princess, and another day you are the witch, who is now good, and is saving the Prince from the evil clutches of the Princess. We didn't want to dictate gender roles to our players. We want them to pick the character they felt comfortable with and create their own fairytale. Obviously, this then opens it up to a male market too, as boys might still feel interested in rescuing the Princess. Or maybe they'd want to be the female character … and there's nothing wrong with that." Patrick said grinning.

"This also opens up our players to the idea of game design." Owen said. "This gives them the chance to create their own game, which would introduce the idea of girls creating games, and may then be a way of opening up more female game designers." Owen said with a smile. "We also envisage that this would be an easy concept to expand, if it was successful."

"Exactly, we were discussing all sorts of opportunities for two player expansions, or Princesses from other games joining together to fight battles, and enlarge their armies, and entering the world of online gaming realms and raids. Just like the opportunities available for our male demographic within Naval Destroyer." Patrick took a deep breath, and glanced at Owen. They had done it. They had presented a successful product. They just hoped it was as well received as they felt it deserved to be.

"Thank you gents. I think you've covered most of what I've been asking the other teams, but I have one question that you haven't met, just as I've asked other pairs: How do you feel your game is relevant to the modern market?" Mr Simmons asked, glancing up from his notebook.

"I, erm, well …" Patrick took a deep breath to compose himself. He needed to prove to Mr Simmons that he was good at his job. He'd promised Kevin as much. "There is currently a huge market out there for the fairy tale. The recent stage-screen adaptation of Into the Woods, Disney's Frozen is one of the biggest animated movies of all time, and then later this year there is the upcoming release of the live-action Cinderella. It seems to us that now is exactly the right time to create, and release, a fairy tale inspired product for the market. It's hugely relevant." Patrick looked to Owen, to see if he had anything further to add, before moving to return to his seat.

"Erm … right. Excellent." Kevin tried to pull himself away from where he was staring at Patrick. He couldn't remember ever feeling this proud of someone he loved. Patrick had blown him away with his design, and Kevin was once again reminded just how talented he was. Kevin shook himself out of his stupor. He was the boss for fucks sake. Time to act professional and get this sorted. There would be time for congratulating Patrick later. "Thanks guys, all of you, for all your work over this week. I think I speak on behalf of myself and Mr Simmons when I say we are blown away with all the hard work you've put into this." Mr Simmons nodded his agreement. "I'll just show Mr Simmons through to my office, as we have a lot to discuss, and then I'll be back." Kevin got up to leave, along with Mr Simmons. As the door of the conference room closed, the whole room exhaled a collective breath that no one had realised they were holding.

"Wow." Patrick said somewhat speechless that the long afternoon was over. The wait for their pitch had felt endless.

"We did it." Owen said with a grin, reaching over to give Patrick a hug, as other pairs began to congratulate each other. Now they were no longer in front of their boss, they allowed themselves to take a moment of glee and pride at their achievements.

"Guys. That was awesome." Joe said leaning over to Patrick and Owen. "How the hell did you come up with that concept? That level of flexibility hasn't even been done in guy video games. It could be revolutionary to allow the player that amount of game design … I mean, nightmare for us designers, but it could be revolutionary." Other members of the team muttered their congratulations. There was no denying they were a close team, and all passionate about the future development of game design … however much they each wanted to be the selected pair they could appreciate a good concept when they saw one.

"I think it's obvious how they came up with that design." Meredith said.

"Is it?" Patrick questioned challengingly. "Please … enlighten us Meredith."

"Well … I'm just saying … it seems somewhat coincidental that we all get the same gaming brief, and yet you magically come up with something revolutionary and innovative, and you meet all sorts of things that weren't even in the brief about subverting stereotypes, and expansion packs. It just feels a bit too developed for my liking."

"What, exactly, are you implying Meredith?" Patrick asked, crossing his arms, accusingly. The rest of the conference room quietened, taking in the stand-off that was happening.

"Really … we get a brief, for a project that allows us to work closely with Kevin, and has extra money … and we're just expected to believe that you, somehow, created an insane project design, with no extra help from him, and oh look, magically, you'll be coincidentally selected as better than all of us. I smell bullshit."

"I won't be working on this project." Patrick said, in a small voice, looking at the table. At the same time, Owen angrily stood up, glaring at Meredith.

"Thanks a bunch Meredith. You're saying that there is no way we could have been good enough to do this alone right. We'll only get this because Patrick's with Kevin …? That there is no way that Patrick and I could have been in any way good enough to create an excellent brief. Well thank you very much for taking away from the 12 hour days we pulled working on this."

Meredith glared for a moment, before registering what Patrick had said. "What the hell do you mean, you won't be working on this project? It's obvious you and Owen will get selected, and then you can spend hours working closely with lover boy. Sorry Owen, you'll get to play gooseberry. This is ridiculous. HR will hear about this first thing Monday morning."

"What the BLOODY HELL is going on in here?" demanded Kevin, from his position in the door way where he had been quietly observing for a few seconds. Kevin took in Patrick's dejected look, Owen's defensive body language, and Meredith's threat about HR.

Meredith cleared her throat. "We were promised that, even with you and Patrick living together, nothing in the team would change, and Patrick wouldn't be treated any differently. Yet, it seems obvious to all of us," Meredith glanced around the team, "that Patrick had additional help with this brief. His project was far more advanced than any of ours. I think HR need to be informed about this favouritism. For the fairness of the team."

Kevin looked around at his team, many of whom were now taking particular interest in the carpet, unsure of whether they wished to support Meredith or not. "Right. Ok. I see." Kevin crossed his arms, still leaning against the doorframe, as he took a moment to compose himself. He needed to detach himself as Patrick's boyfriend, and deal with this as Kevin Matheson: The Managing Director of Most Dangerous Games.

Patrick glanced over at Kevin, trying to read his body language. "I've already told Meredith that even if Owen and I were selected, I won't be working on this project…. I won't be working with you."

"Is this true?" Meredith sneered.

"Er … yes." Kevin sighed. "Patrick is our most senior game designer on Naval Destroyer. It's been decided that even if his and Owen's brief is most successful, that it wouldn't be in the best interests of MDG to take him away from that. Therefore, regardless of his outcome of pitch, Patrick will not be taken off Naval Destroyer."

"Oh … I see… so Patrick's too important to work on this new game then? So he is being treated differently to everyone else. I knew it. I bet HR would love to know about this … actually … I'm sure Mr Simmons would love to know all about how you're treating Patrick better than any of us, Kevin." Meredith said challengingly, standing up, and looking towards Kevin's office where Mr Simmons was now sat with a cup of coffee.

"By all means Meredith. I'm sure Mr Simmons would be particularly interested in your opinions of Patrick remaining on Naval Destroyer … seeing as it was his suggestion in the first place." Kevin raised an eyebrow, as Meredith faltered. Casually, Kevin walked to the front of the conference room.

"Does anyone else, have a problem with the way I've been treating people? Or want to accuse me of treating Patrick differently to anyone in this team?" Kevin glanced around the team, a cold, unapproachable glare across his face. "I assure you, that Patrick is treated no differently to anyone else on this team. Admittedly, if his brief is selected … by Mr Simmons, not by myself … then he will not working on the project. That was decided by HR and by Mr Simmons, on the basis of Patrick's commitment to Naval Destroyer. That's a decision outside of my control. Mine and Patrick's relationship has no influence on ANY decisions I make at work, and all my choices are in the best interest of us as a team? Understood?" Kevin stood firmly at the front of the conference room. "Right. Ok. I think it's been a very long week, and we're all tired. You've all worked incredibly hard on these briefs." Kevin glanced at his watch, his heart lurching at his Christmas present from Patrick. It was nice wearing a little reminder of Patrick on his wrist each day. "It's 4.15 pm. Why don't you all leave early. It's Friday. Have a great weekend, take some time to relax. And we'll come back here on Monday to see what Mr Simmons has decided. Ok? Thanks everyone." Kevin dismissed the team, who walked out quietly, feeling like admonished school children.

Patrick was the last to leave, torn between his feelings of lust for powerful, controlling Kevin, the need for a congratulations, or a hug from Kevin, and the need to behave professionally in the office. Knowing Meredith was loitering in the office, taking her time to pack away, and that Mr Simmons was still waiting in Kevin's office.

"I best go deal with Mr Simmons. We've got a lot to discuss." Kevin said with a small smile and an exhale, as he glanced at Patrick. "I'll probably be late home tonight."

"You haven't forgotten we're at Dom's tonight. Right? He's testing his chicken recipes on us before his grand opening next week."

"Oh… shit … yes … don't worry. I'll be there."

"Ok…. Will you make it home first? I told Dom we'd be there by 7pm. Or do you want me to bring you a clean shirt to Dom's?"

"I'm not sure. I'll text you ok? Don't worry about a shirt, I'll go in this … I look alright, don't I?" Kevin quirked an eyebrow at Patrick. "Shit, I better go, Simmons is looking…" Kevin gave Patrick a soft smile. "I'll see you later, ok? But if not, I'll see you at Doms. 7pm. I promise. I won't miss the chance to eat chicken!"

Patrick smiled softly, and watched Kevin walk away from him. Somehow, even though he knew they were at work and had to keep it professional, it hurt Patrick that Kevin hadn't even said 'Well Done' for his and Owen's presentation. Patrick sighed. He desperately needed a hug, and couldn't face returning home to the empty apartment … He sent Kevin a quick text, letting him know he was going to head straight to Dom's from work. He'd see Kevin at Dom's later.

"Cutie Irish Spring!" Eddie said loudly as he paraded through Dom's door. "Why'd you look all sad and dejected? Lover boy not giving you enough? Where is that cute Brit anyway?" Eddie glanced around the apartment.

"He's had to work late, a late meeting." Patrick said with a small smile, as he reached in to hug Augustin.

Augustin raised a sceptical eyebrow. "Working late? Seriously?"

"Uh oh? Not trouble in paradise?" Eddie said loudly, with a smirk.

"What …No … Seriously you guys … stop looking like that. He has a genuine meeting. I was there this afternoon. It's with the head of MDG, they're picking that game proposal I told you about."

"Uh huh…" Augustin looked at Patrick.

"Seriously. Anyway. I trust him." Patrick took a deep breath. "I do … I trust Kevin."

"So why do you look like someone kicked your puppy then Irish Spring?" Eddie asked, tilting his head at Patrick's sad expression. "Or maybe shagged your puppy?" Eddie gave a short cackle, before ruffling Patrick's short hair and settling himself down on the sofa.

"What! No. I just really want this proposal, and it's shitty that I can't get it, and I had an argument with a colleague … Urgh. Just work stuff…. Anyway no one's shagging my puppy … Kevin… Well. Except me."

"Glad to hear it." Kevin said with a grin as he walked up behind Patrick, and wrapped his arms around Patrick's waist, causing Patrick to squeal, having not heard Kevin arrive. Patrick turned around to face Kevin.

"How was your meeting?" he asked carefully, running a hand down Kevin's cheek.

"Oh Patrick. You ABSOLUTE fucking BEAUTY." Kevin planted a smacker of a kiss on Patrick's lips. "Mr Simmons fucking loved yours and Owens game. Seriously, you fucking blew everyone else out of the water. It was fucking awesome. And your design was all he could talk about it. Seriously, you are a fucking genius Patrick Murray. I am so fucking proud of you."

Patrick looked at Kevin questioning "… What? Really? He … he liked it?"

"Er … yeh!" Kevin grinned and nodded. "Better yet, he wants you to work on it too. Not all the time. You're too important to Naval Destroyer." Kevin ran his thumb lightly across Patrick's neck. "But, Mr Simmon's loved your design, and wants you to have creative control. So, he's decided that on a Monday, you can head up the game design team, and I'll work with all the other teams on their day to day stuff. Check-up how they're getting on. Then I'll return to working on the game design, and you can work on Naval Destroyer for the rest of the week. I mean, we still won't get to work together." Kevin gave a little shrug. "But you'll get to work on your game with Owen for one day a week? And get the recognition you deserve… and some of the extra bonus for having the responsibility for it." Kevin gave an excited grin. Patrick looked at Kevin in disbelief, before he dissolved into a giant smile.

"He seriously liked it?"

"Uh huh!" Kevin said laughing, before he pulled Patrick into a kiss, wrapping his arms around Patrick's neck, as he pulled the kiss in deeper, his tongue lightly flicking over Patrick's lips. Patrick responded, his mouth opening to allow Kevin access as he wrapped his arms around Kevin, his hands running down to explore Kevin's arse. Kevin groaned into Patrick's mouth, and instinctively ground his hips against Patrick, causing Patrick to squeeze Kevin's arse.

"Pheeeewie." Eddie said, theatrically fanning himself, as he took in Patrick and Kevin's entwined form, totally wrapped up in each other, having forgotten their surroundings. "Does the Brit kiss all his employees like that? Cause if he does, then I think I might be looking for a new job." He cackled as Augustin smacked him across the chest, as Kevin and Patrick sheepishly pulled apart and grinned at their friends.

"Ahem … Sorry." Patrick said sheepishly, still wrapped in Kevin's arms. So close that their breathing was synchronised, heavy still with passion.

"Yeh … totally not sorry." Kevin said with a grin as he lightly pecked Patrick on the lips. "Totally not sorry at all."


	10. Looking for London

**Looking for London**

"We're really doing this?" Patrick asked, taking a deep breath and glancing over at Kevin.

"Yes we fucking are." Kevin said with a grin, as he walked across the tarmac holding Patrick's hand. "10 whole days of you. Utterly naked."

"Oh! Well!" Patrick raised an eyebrow and grinned. "You will let me see some of London though right? … I mean … I need some pictures to show my Mom?"

Kevin glanced at Patrick, and seductively looked him up and down, a wicked smirk crossing his face. "Who says we need to leave the hotel room to take pictures?"

"Not those kind of pictures! Jesus! My Mom likes you, but she does not need to see that much!" A look of horror crossed Patrick's face.

"I'm sure Dana Banana would appreciate a good cock when she sees one … I mean … Dana Banana… How do you think she got the nickname?! You don't think it's purely because it rhymed?!" Kevin grinned and laughed as they walked up the steps to the plane, before handing over their boarding passes to the air hostess.

"Oh god… No … That's my Mom! Jesus." Patrick muttered to himself, glaring at Kevin who was now laughing at Patrick's horror. "Well … it's going to be your fault now if we don't have sex all holiday. Christ. You can't bring up your cock and my Mom in the same sentence. I'm never going to be able to look at either of them the same way again." Patrick sighed dramatically and sat in his seat, as Kevin stowed their bags in the overhead compartment, before sprawling into the seat next to Patrick. His knee casually rested against Patricks, and his arm flung across his shoulder.

He glanced around the busy airplane, taking in the noise of passengers loading and moving up and down the aisles. Leaning in close to Patrick, so his breath tickled Patrick's ear, and he could not be overheard, he whispered "Really … you could never look at my cock again? All holiday? You don't want my cock then? My cock that's hard for you… just for you." Kevin paused, watching Patrick shift in his seat and gulp, nervously looking at the passengers that stood just feet away. "You mean, you don't want my thick, hot, pulsing cock, in your mouth. Quivering at your every touch? You don't want me to screw you, slowly, or hard, with my cock pounding in to you until it's too much to take and you come everywhere?..." Kevin spoke slowly, watching Patrick's breath, monitoring his reaction. "You wouldn't relish the opportunity of joining the mile high club, and taking my cock, right there in that toilet, knowing that everyone on this plane would be sat just feet away? My cock … doesn't turn you on just a little bit." Kevin grinned at the flustered Patrick who was nervously crossing his legs, and pulled away. Speaking loudly now, in his normal voice. "Fair enough …. I mean … it'll be a quiet holiday but never mind. 'Spose I should just get some sleep this flight then." Kevin threw his head back and pretended to fake snore; ruined only by the huge grin that was splitting his face open.

"Urgh. You are the absolute worst. Remind me why I'm going on holiday with you again?" Patrick said, shaking his head in mock disgust, as he pulled his hoody on to his lap before he gathered any attention from the air hostess that was making her way down the aisle to check seat belts.

"Because you fucking love my cock." Kevin said, loudly enough that the woman in the seat in front turned around and tutted, causing both Kevin and Patrick to dissolve into giggles.

"Hey. We're here." Patrick said softly, waking up Kevin who had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

"Mmmmh, urgh." Kevin shook his head, trying to wake up, before realising the taxi had pulled up outside their hotel. After a 10 hour flight, it had taken Patrick and Kevin another 2 hours to get out of the airport, before they could board a shuttle bus to get them in to central London. From there, they had grabbed a taxi to negotiate them through London's busy traffic. It was 2am San Francisco time, 10am London time, so both Kevin and Patrick were wiped out. Their bodies confused by the bright weather outside, and people bustling into offices and their morning routine. Quickly, Kevin paid the taxi driver, his instinct taking over with the British pound … money that seemed unfamiliar after so long away, before the boys piled out of the taxi. A valet came rushing out of the hotel to assist with removing the luggage from the taxi, as Patrick stopped to take in the hotel that stood in front of him. Kevin had refused to tell Patrick which hotel they were staying in, insisting it remained a surprise, an act that his Mom had infuriatingly joined in on. Patrick glanced up at the tall concrete building in front of him. He knew they were central London, and the building was tall and imposing, but Patrick struggled to see what was quite so important about this surprise. He glanced at Kevin's grinning face, and smiled … clearly Kevin was pleased with himself, and it didn't really matter where they stayed, as far as Patrick was concerned, so long as they were together. As Patrick walked up the steps towards the tall hotel, his eyes suddenly took in the neon sign above the door. One that would glow at night, but by day was lost in the imposing concrete.

"You've …. We're …. You …. We're at…" Patrick stopped dead, trying to compose his thoughts.

"One of London's 5* hotels? Why yes. It would appear we might be." Kevin grinned and dragged Patrick up the steps with boyish enthusiasm, his energy returning at the excitement.

"But … I mean… Wow." Patrick struggled to verbalise this thoughts as he walked through the door that was opened by a bellman for him, and followed Kevin into the large modern reception area.

"Hi there, we're here to check in. The name's Matheson." Kevin said to the pretty blonde receptionist who greeted them. Kevin wrapped his arm around Patrick's shoulders and kissed him on the forehead. "Good surprise?" he asked softly, a moment of doubt crossing his face.

"Oh my god. Yes!" Patrick said, and grinned, before giving Kevin a quick kiss on the lips. The receptionist smiled at the two love struck men.

"This was a surprise trip to London?" she questioned politely having overheard the exchange.

"Yes." Kevin answered. "I refused to tell him where we were staying, or anything I have planned for the next 10 days." He grinned.

"It's my first time in London." Patrick added. Suddenly becoming aware of how different his American accent sounded against the pronounced British accent. "And I'm super excited." Patrick turned in to Kevin. "It's so weird. I feel like I'll get to know so much more about your childhood, and you, by being here."

"Oh Christ. You'll find out all my inner secrets. It's too late. You're stuck with me. No backing out now." Kevin laughed, and leant in to Patrick's shoulder.

The receptionist smiled at the loving exchange that was taking place in front of her, before she typed furiously on her keyboard, glancing between the computer screen and the romantic sight in front of her.

"Sorry Mr Matheson. Can I just check your booking … I think there is an error… We seem to have you down for a twin room? Is that … erm … I mean…I'm presuming that's an error?" the receptionist floundered, taking in the clearly intimate body language of the two men.

"Er … yes. That's wrong." Kevin said with a forced laugh. His shoulders tensed as he prepared to argue this out. There was no fucking way he and Patrick were having a twin room.

"Of course. Sorry. Let me just talk to my manager. If you'll excuse me a second Mr and Mr Matheson." The receptionist nodded at Kevin and Patrick, before walking away from the reception.

"Hey. It's fine." Patrick said reassuringly, his hand rubbing Kevin's arm as he tried to calm Kevin's tense body language. "Did you hear her … she thinks we're …"

"I did." Kevin grinned. "Kinda got a nice ring to it huh? Mr Patrick Matheson…" Kevin left the thought hanging in the air, before his body language changed. "They better fucking sort this out." Kevin said bristling.

"They will. I'm sure…. I mean … They have to. Right?" Patrick said with a moment of doubt, before the receptionist returned, with a squat man in a suit following fast behind her.

"Mr and Mr Matheson, my sincerest apologies. If you could just allow me a moment to check the computer system, we'll have this sorted in moments." The Manager gave a smile, before leaning over the receptionist and hurriedly typing away at the computer. "Uh huh. Yuh … Move that booking there. Yup. And we can move them into the Park Lane Suite. Perfect. Yup. Ok so then if we move them to floor 14. Yup. That leaves that room free for 10 days. Yup. That'll work." The manager spoke in a low voice to the receptionist, as they fiddled with the computer booking screen. "Sorry Sirs. Our apologies, there seemed to have been a miscommunication with your booking, but we're sorted now. If you could allow us to apologise for your inconvenience. To compensate, we'd like to upgrade the deluxe room you had booked, and we've made our Grosvenor available for all 10 days of your stay. You'll find it quite comfortable, with a large king size bed, and a spacious living area. You'll enjoy panoramic views of Hyde Park and Mayfair, as well as access to our executive lounge with complimentary wireless internet access, and unlimited tea and coffee. We'll also deliver a complimentary bottle of champagne this evening for you both to celebrate. Alex here will show you up to your suite, and you'll luggage will follow you up. Apologies once again for your delay, but we're so grateful you chose the Park Lane Hilton for your visit, and all of us here sincerely hope you enjoy your honeymoon." The manager smiled as he handed over two key cards to a bewildered Kevin. Patrick stood, gobsmacked, unable to process what he had just heard.

"Right. Yes. Thank you so much for sorting it. Not a problem. Come on darling, let's go." Kevin said quickly, pulling Patrick along with him, to follow the bellboy up to their suite.

"Oh … My … God…" Patrick said in disbelief, as he stood in the middle of the suite. To his left, a glass window spanned the length of the bedroom room. To his right a set of double doors that opened out into a living area; an area that was currently occupied by Kevin and the bellboy, organising luggage, and control settings for the TV and wifi. Patrick walked towards the window, trailing his fingers lightly across the cover of the bed as he walked by. Pausing, he stopped in front of the window to stare at the bustling city that expanded in front of him, hardly able to believe his eyes. Patrick felt giddy as the excitement took over. They were in London. Their first holiday together. 10 whole days. And London! Patrick's body tingled, his excitement turned to awareness as his body responded to Kevin's presence behind him. A pair of arms snaked their way around Patrick's check, and he felt Kevin's chin rest on his shoulder.

"Hi." Kevin whispered in to Patrick's ear, before giving him a light kiss just beside his ear. "Enjoying the view?"

"Oh god. It's …. It's amazing." Patrick was unable to think, torn between taking in the sight in front of him, and the feel of Kevin's erection that was now slowly grinding against Patrick's arse.

"Mmmmh. I can think of something else that is amazing." Kevin whispered seductively, gently kissing down Patrick's ear, planting a trail of kisses across his jaw, his chin nuzzling Patrick's shoulder. Patrick turned in to Kevin's embrace, his lips meeting Kevin's as his arms reached up to wrap around his neck. Patrick shuffled Kevin back, their lips never parting, as Patrick eased Kevin on to the bed until he was lying flat, Patrick pressed on top of him, one leg between his legs, his hands roaming over Kevin's body.

Kevin reached up; finding the bottom of Patrick's t-shirt and pulled it over his head, before flinging it on to the floor of the suite, his hands moved lazily across Patrick's body, taking in every contour, grappling to pull Patrick even closer to him. Their kisses deepened, with both men struggling to breathe as the passion overwhelmed them. Patrick broke away first, his body heaving as he paused to catch his breath. The need for oxygen conflicted with his desire to be as physically close to Kevin as humanly possible. Seizing the opportunity, Kevin flipped Patrick over, so he lay flat on the bed. Kevin sat up, straddling him, and pulled off his own shirt. His abs rippled as his arms stretched up. Their bodies moved in synch as their crotches ground together, desperately seeking friction, Patrick's hands ran over the top of Kevin's jean clad thighs, desperately clambering to touch any part of Kevin he could reach, as he licked his lips appreciatively at the naked torso sat on top of him.

"Like something you see?" Kevin said with a smirk.

"Eh … It's ok I suppose." Patrick said with a jokey shrug of his shoulder, the desire in his eyes gave away how far from the truth this was, as he pulled Kevin back down towards him, their bodies pressed together, as Patrick's mouth reached up to capture Kevin's. Still not breaking the kiss, Kevin reached down to undo Patrick's belt buckle with a metallic clunk, before popping his zip. One hand help up his body weight, his mouth never leaving Patrick's, Kevin used the other hand to slide Patrick's jeans and boxers off. Patrick lifted his hips, partly to help quicken the process, but involuntarily to seek further friction against Kevin's hand.

Casually, Kevin ran his hand across Patrick's penis, his deep kisses moved to pecks, as he released Patrick's lips and began trailing kisses Patrick's chin and his jaw line. His tongue lightly flicked the small gap in his collarbone that he knew made Patrick shudder. Kevin continued to smatter kisses across Patrick's chest, his body involuntarily arching off the bed in response, his head rolling back in anticipation as Kevin made his way further south down Patrick's body, before finally, he kissed the tip of Patrick's straining cock. Watching it twitch at his touch, admiring the pre-cum that glistened on the tip.

"Urgh. Fuck." Patrick gasped as Kevin took Patrick in his mouth. His mouth wrapped around Patrick's cock, whilst his tongue sucked and caressed. The room reverberated with the sounds of Patrick's heavy breathing, the wet suction of Kevin bobbing up and down on Patrick's cock, and Patrick's breathy moans as he begged for release. "Shit. Urgh…. Fuck. Yes. Right there…. Oh Jesus." Patrick's body twitched, and bucked, his hips moving to the rhythm of Kevin's mouth, desperately seeking the release he craved. In a torturous move, Kevin released Patrick's cock with a delicious pop, causing Patrick to moan at the loss of Kevin's mouth. Smirking, Kevin reached up to kiss the incoherent Patrick, taking in the sight of this man who was helpless and at his utter mercy.

"I want us to cum together." He whispered against Patrick's mouth, before sliding off the bed and walking over to one of the suitcases. Patrick shuffled up on the bed, propping himself up against the luxurious pillows, watching the sight of his boyfriend. His eyes hooded with desire and lust at Kevin, shirtless, still in his jeans on the other side of the room. Having extracted the condoms and lube from where they had been carefully stashed in the suitcase, Kevin threw them at the naked Patrick with a grin, his eyes deliberately raking over Patrick's naked body. Before he walked slowly, and deliberately back to the bed. With every step he released his belt, opening the buckle slowly, popping the top button of his jeans, before slowly siding the zip down, letting his jeans slide off his hips and drop to the floor. Carefully stepping out of them, his eyes never leaving Patricks, Kevin proceeded to slowly roll his boxers down over his hips. Their desire mirrored in the other eyes, their breathing jagged, as Patrick enjoyed the strip show Kevin was putting on before he reached the bed, and crawled up Patrick's body.

"Fuck me. Now." Kevin said, smirking, before biting Patrick's lip.

"I … It's … I want you." Patrick said, kissing Kevin full on the lips. "Please. You." Patrick's thoughts were jumbled and incoherent, his only thought was of Kevin, naked against him.

"You sure?" Kevin whispered into Patrick's lips. Patrick flicked his tongue in to Kevin's mouth in response, opening it up and exploring Kevin's mouth as Kevin popped open the tube of lube, and pushed Patrick's knee up, opening his hips.

Gently, Kevin slid in to Patrick, carefully allowing Patrick time to expand and adjust. Patrick's eyes rolled back and his body arched as he adjusted to Kevin filling him, before his hips bucked, encouraging Kevin to begin moving. Slowly, Kevin rolled his hips, overcome with the feeling of being inside Patrick, a gently rhythm forming as both men relished the sensation.

"Urgh. Fuck." Kevin grunted.

"Yes. Oh god."

"Jesus Christ."

Their breathy moans and groans took over, the sound of skin slapping skin reverberated around the room as the boys picked up their rhythm. Their bodies instinctively reading each other like a perfect dance, completely in synch, as the pace increased.

"Fuuuuuck. Patrick. Shit. I'm not gonna last."

"Oh my god. Come. Please." Patrick wrapped his hand around his own penis, matching his pace to meet Kevin's climax

"Oh Shit. I'm so fucking close. Uuuuurgh." Kevin's face screwed up, as his body twitched and reared up, his cock pulsing as he released inside Patrick. "Oh shit. Ooooooh fuck." Kevin stilled, still inside Patrick, his breath quick and jagged, as Patrick bucked and twitched underneath him, riding the last waves of his own climax.

"Oh, my, god," a breathless Patrick moaned, as Kevin pulled out and collapsed on top of him.

"Fucking hell." Kevin remained incoherent as he lent in to Patrick's shoulder, taking in the moment.

Patrick gave a small chuckle, causing Kevin to turn and look up at him.

"What's funny?" Kevin questioned with a small grin.

"It's just …. I think… I think I'm going to really love London." Patrick said with a laugh.


	11. Looking for Home Part 1

**Looking for Home**

Kevin glanced out the big window, taking in the grey skies and the fat rain drops that were splattering against the glass window. London. Rain. It felt reassuring that nothing had changed since he had been gone. There was something very comforting about the sound of rain against glass. It was a sound that had always made Kevin feel very at home. Kevin propped himself up on his elbow, and glanced at the sleeping Patrick, a smile of love crossed his face, as his stomach jolted. His other bit of home. Kevin had always felt that London was his home. He was the Brit abroad. He'd known that he wanted to stay in San Francisco with this life he was building and his job … but he'd always considered London, and England, as his home. Yet, right now it struck Kevin that it wouldn't actually matter where in the world he was; if he was with Patrick, then he was already home. Glancing at the clock and realising it was still early hours of the morning, Kevin wrapped his arm around Patrick and snuggled in, enjoying the feeling of having the man he loved in his arms and allowing that warmth and comfort to pull him back in to sleep.

Hours later, or was it moments? Kevin wasn't sure, he woke up to the feeling of Patrick's hands casually tracing patterns on his chest.

"Mornin'" Kevin said with a smirk, his eyes still closed.

"It's raining." Patrick stated simply.

"Oh … that's a problem." Kevin's eyes opened, hooded, and filled with lust. "I guess we better stay in the hotel room then."

"Uh huh. It would seem we have to." Patrick said with a small smile, as his finger lightly flicked Kevin's nipple.

"Well … seeing as we're being forced. What on earth should we do?" Kevin grinned innocently, before wrapping his arm around Patrick's neck, and pulling him in for a kiss.

Their first few days had in London had been blissful. They had wandered around Hyde Park and Kensington, perfectly content to wrap up warm, and spend time holding hands taking in the sights and sounds of London. They had spent a day sheltering from the rain in the Science museum, with Kevin and Patrick acting like small children on all the Science games – determined to beat the other, their competitive instinct taking over. Yesterday, Kevin and Patrick had gorged themselves on all sorts of delicacies along the Southbank's hidden markets. Patrick had been fascinated by the mix of history from The Globe theatre, to the very modern buildings. With more rain during the afternoon, the boys had spent time at the Tate Modern, sniggering over the dramatic pieces of art which were clearly just a few squiggles on a page … or some incredibly phallic imagery disguised as art. Dr Freud would have had a lot to comment on. However, Day 4 in London had arrived, and it was the day that Patrick had been dreading. They were off to Romford. Patrick's stomach twisted anxiously as he and Kevin stood on the crowded tube, speeding through the dark underground tunnels. Kevin's hand resting on Patrick's hip was the only thing grounding him, helping him hold it together.

After a long and nerve-wracking ride on the tube, Patrick followed Kevin as he bounded up the escalators that took them to the over-ground. Patrick stayed focused on the back of Kevin's head, his hand clutching his nervously. He wasn't sure how Kevin was so confident around the underground system, which seemed to Patrick like a never-ending link of undecipherable tunnels. Patrick was used to San Francisco's metro, but the London Underground seemed beyond his understanding. In fact, Patrick felt there was potential there for some kind of complex video gaming map based on the Underground, which would be impossible for the player to ever learn their way around. Before long, Patrick and Kevin were stood on the platform of the over-ground station, waiting for the train that would take them to Romford. Patrick desperately prayed for some kind of horrific incident that would delay the train and prevent this meeting from happening. He exhaled a few times, watching his breath steam up in front of him in the cold air, before vigorously rubbing his hands to try and warm up.

"Hey. Come here." Kevin said softly, before taking Patrick's hands in his and rubbing them together to help warm them up.

"It's so cold!" Patrick muttered, shrugging further into his thick coat. "I should have worn gloves."

"Don't worry, I'll keep you warm." Kevin said with a grin that disarmed Patrick and momentarily distracted him from all coherent thoughts.

"Do I have to do this? I mean … We could go back to the hotel room? Get naked?" Patrick pleaded, causing Kevin to laugh.

"As tempting as that is, you can save that idea for later on this evening." Kevin said with a smile.

"Urgh … it's just … your friends and family. What if they hate me?"

"Well then I'll leave you." Kevin said simply, with a serious face.

"Wha…What?" Patrick asked, a moment of shock crossing his face.

"Yup." Kevin said, popping the "p" sound at the end of the word. "I haven't seen my family or friends in over two years, since I was last home. I mean, I speak to my Mum every other week … but she did walk out on me when I was 13 … so that sort of balances. My Dad's a homophobic wanker and we just about manage to speak every 6 weeks or so. Toby and Josh I haven't seen for since the last time I was in the UK, for Toby's wedding … so I mean. If they hate you, I would definitely value their opinions enough to leave you." Kevin tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at Patrick.

Patrick gave a small smile. "Ok … but they're still your family and friends? And they still might hate me?"

"Well … luckily for you, and for me, they're not the one's shagging you. I am. And I don't hate you. In fact, with performances like this morning, I'm rather partial to shagging you. So I think I'll keep you around for a while longer. Regardless of what they say."

"Oh … you will .. will you? I see. Just want me for my body?" Patrick gave a grin and fake pose.

"Absolutely. You know how it is." Kevin laughed and gave Patrick a kiss. "Now, will you stop being ridiculous. I'm sorry I'm putting you through this … but you made me meet Dana Banana, so fair is fair. And it was YOU who said you wanted to find out more about my life in Romford."

"Yes … but you LOVE my Mom. And my Mom adores you more than she does me …"

"Course she does. I'm bloody awesome." Kevin grinned " … My Mum'll like you. She kinda feels she has to love anyone in my life now. She feels it makes up for leaving. My Dad on the other hand … erm … sorry." Kevin gave a small shrug.

"Oh God." Patrick muttered, as the train approached, slowing down as it entered the platform.

"Erm … what … what exactly is 'The Dogs'?" Patrick asked with trepidation, as he stood outside the large, grey, run down, building. He had presumed it was a pub … although 11am had struck him as a bit early to be drinking. However, from the sound of dogs barking and crowds cheering, he realised this was definitely not like any of the pubs he had visited so far in London.

"'The Dogs?' It's Dog racing."

"Dog racing?" Patrick scrunched up his face in confusion.

"You know … like with horses … but with grey hounds. People bet money on which dog will win, and then they chase a fake hare around the track, and then people, namely my Dad, lose all their money on the bets. It's the poor man's horse racing."

"Right ok … your Dad loses all his money?"

"Yeh … I did warn you about the whole gambling alcoholic father figure thing?"

"I know." Patrick took a deep breath. "I guess … I just guess I didn't think we'd actually see him doing it? And you're ok with this? With seeing him here?"

Kevin gave a small shrug. "My Dad … well … he's my Dad. This is what him and his pals do every Saturday. They work hard all week. Then they gamble and drink on a Saturday. So, if I wanted to spend time with him, then it's what I'd do every Saturday too. I mean. It's not so bad. We used to have footie training on a Saturday morning, then me and the lads would come here. Our Dads are all friends. And they'd buy us chips. And we'd hang out. It was alright." Kevin gave another small shrug. "Shall we…?" he gestured towards the stadium.

"Alright then." Patrick said with trepidation. "Let's go see what dog racing is…."

Patrick followed Kevin towards the doors. They paid a small, bored looking, girl at the kiosk, before pushing through the turnstiles. Patrick wasn't sure what hit him first: the smell of dog, alcohol, greasy food, or the noise of the crowds yelling, stamping, and cheering.

"Welcome to the dogs!" Kevin said with a small smile, before heading off through the crowds.

"Wha … How will you find your Dad?"

"He'll be where he always is." Kevin said, and gestured over to a group of men stood the steps who were positioned equidistant from the bar, the edge of the track, and a small set of stalls that displayed numbers; betting odds. "You ready for this?" Kevin questioned, looking at Patrick, before heading over across the crowds.

"Not really." Patrick whispered to himself, before following Kevin across the crowds.

Kevin walked up to a tall, bald-headed man, stood in the middle of a group of similarly looking men. Each man would have been difficult to differentiate from the other with their bald heads, similar builds and their motley ensemble of jeans, football t-shirts, and oversized denim jackets. Except, Kevin's father was obvious. The ears ran in the family.

"Dad. Hiya." Kevin said, shaking hand of the man with the ears, and pulling him in for a half hug. "Y'alright?"

"I'm alright. You alright?" He questioned.

"Yeh. Good. Good." Kevin nodded. "Dad, I'd like you to meet Patrick." Kevin beckoned Patrick forward, who nervously held out his hand.

"Mr Matheson. Hi. It's great to meet you." Patrick said with a shy smile.

"Hmmm. Hello." Mr Matheson responded, returning Patrick's hand shake. "I got us seats inside too. Wasn't sure if you'd gone all Yank on us and couldn't deal with the cold."

"Me? Nah, nah. We're fine. Right Patrick?" Kevin said, glancing at Patrick who had shoved his hands in his pockets, fighting the bitter February air.

"Yep. Yes. Sure." Patrick said quickly, feeling intimidated by Kevin's dad.

Kevin's Dad nodded at the group of men who were stood slightly off to the side. "Fellers. You know Kev of course. And this … this is Kevin's …. Friend…. Patrick … who is visiting too."

Patrick looked questioningly at Kevin unsure how to respond.

Kevin gave a small laugh, before putting his arm around Patrick's waist, and giving him a quick squeeze. "I think the word my Dad is struggling to say is boyfriend. Guys. This is my boyfriend, Patrick."

The men nodded politely at Patrick, it wasn't that they were unfriendly, but uncertain how to respond to such an overt declaration. Instead, they crowded around Kevin, questioning him on his time in America, spliced with cheering on the dogs who ran round the track. Leaving Kevin with the chance to chat with his Dad.

"So, how's Shirley?" Kevin questioned. "It is Shirley … isn't it?"

"Who? Shirley? Nah. She er … she left me. Seeing Helen now though. Top bird. Got some class." Kevin's Dad replied.

"Shirley left you? Ah fuck. What did you do... Who did you do? And Helen? From up the road Helen? I thought she married Dave?"

"She did. They've erm … they split."

"Because of you?"

"Ah Kev … you know how it is." Mr Matheson gave a small shrug, before turning back to the dogs who were lining up in the starting stalls.

"Right. Ok." Kevin gave a small nod.

Patrick stood quietly to the edge, watching and taking it all in; taking in the dogs running around the track, the fully grown men cheering them on and waving their slips of paper, but most importantly, watching Kevin deal with the groups of men who had, in their own way, played an integral part of raising Kevin.

Noticing that Patrick was quiet, Kevin sidled up to him. "You ok?" he muttered softly.

"Me? Yeh. I'm fine. Great. Super." Patrick said weakly, smiling. "They miss you y'know. Your Dad too." He said nodding at the group of men.

"Yeh … Yeh … I suppose he does. In his own way." Kevin said, glancing over at his father who was evaluating the odds on the next race. "Fellers, shall we go inside? Let me buy you all a drink." Kevin said smoothly, having noticed how cold Patrick was. The group nodded, before following Kevin and Patrick inside to the table that his Dad had reserved.

"So. Peter was it? What do you do?" a man named Andrew asked politely.

"Erm .. .Patrick actually." He said with a small smile. "I work with Kevin… erm … we work together that is. I'm a video gaming designer."

"And a fucking good one he is too." Kevin said proudly, grinning at Patrick. "Patrick's head designer on Naval Destroyer." This bit of information caused the group of men to nod and mutter their approval to each other – they had all followed Kevin's career, and were fans of a lot of his computer games. Kevin's Dad walked over, balancing the last of the pints, and handing them out to each of the men crowded around the table. He glanced over to the large TV screens on the wall. One displayed a close up of the racing track, and another was showing the slow motion replays of a Rugby match.

"Now this. This is a real man's sport." Mr Matheson said, beckoning to the wall. "None of that nancy gay shit like cricket. Real men. Got you playing this Kev when you were younger. Hoped it might sort you out." Mr Matheson said with a casual shrug.

"Erm … I'm sorry?" Patrick queried in a mix of shock and disgust. "Sort him out? How?" The table fell quiet, as Mr Matheson turned to face Patrick. Kevin looked on, a nervous laugh threatening to escape due to the tense atmosphere.

"Y'know. Get him playing a real man's game. Make him less gay. Fat lotta good that did." Mr Matheson gave another shrug, half nodding in Patrick's direction, before taking a long sip of his pint.

"Wow. Ok… To sort out your gay son... And you thought that sending him out to roll around in mud, with other men, in tiny shorts, in a game that involves players called hookers, and then showering naked together after. That was gonna straighten him up? Wow. Ok." Patrick said with a mix of outrage, and serious contemplation, as Kevin struggled to hold back the laughter than now consumed him.

"What … I…" Mr Matheson failed to speak, looking at the shocked faces of his friends who were waiting for his reaction.

"I mean. Really. Using that logic, maybe you should have sent Kevin dancing, or baking or something … you know … gay." Patrick emphasised the word gay. "Because then he'd have been surrounded by women all day. Maybe that would have helped. Instead, you sent your gay son out to roll around with hookers and shower naked with other men … and you're surprised he didn't turn out straight? Fair enough." Patrick continued his rant, having forgotten his nerves and where he was, instead just outraged that Kevin's father would have tried to change who Kevin was.

"Well … Well … you gays. You're all so feminine, and girly. Need a good woman and a shag. That would straighten most of you out." Mr Matheson said, jutting his chin out and looking at Patrick determinedly.

"Wow. Ok." Patrick nodded, pausing to think, before meeting Mr Matheson's determined eye contact. "Because y'know. We're feminine? So what we need is to cuddle nice, soft, girly breasts, and a squishy warm vagina. Yes? We're feminine, so we need something feminine to help us? I don't know what your definitions of masculine and feminine are, Mr Matheson." Patrick paused, as the table fell utterly silent in disbelief. Mr Matheson's jaw opened and closed, as Kevin looked on in delight. "But I can assure you that there is absolutely nothing feminine about taking a cock up the arse. Cock and muscles … that's what does it for us and they're about as manly as they come. You straight guys? You want your soft breasts and your warm vaginas. Which is pretty feminine in my book. And yet … we're the feminine ones? I just feel you might need to re-evaluate your definitions." Patrick gave a small shrug and lent back in his seat, before the shock overwhelmed him at what he had just dared to say.

The tension crept over the table as they waited to see Mr Matheson's response. How would he react to being so challenged? Kevin looked across the table at Patrick, a huge grin splitting his face open as he mouthed "I fucking love you," to him, so proud of Patrick's display.

Suddenly, Kevin's Dad smiled, before breaking into giant guffaws. "Cock up the arse." He continued to chuckle, sounding a lot like Kevin. "This one's got guts. I can see why you like this one Kev." He nodded at Patrick. "Better than that fucking Ken doll you brought home last time. He was such an arse licker. Wouldn't say boo to a goose. This one. This one's got spark. Guts. I like that. You're a brave kid Patrick." He said, before offering his hand out across the table for Patrick to shake.

"Erm … thank you. Mr Matheson?" Patrick said, confused, before returning to shake his hand.

"Barry. You can call me Barry. You've earnt the right." Mr Matheson nodded. "Now, who's coming to bet on the next race with me?" he asked, back to business mode, as he looked around his group of friends, who had all hurriedly resumed their conversations.


	12. Looking for Home Part 2

**Looking for Home Part Two**

"So … this is Romford?" Patrick looked around the bleak, grey high street. It bustled with Saturday shoppers hurriedly rushing on their way … yet with was none of the energy and pace of the London that Patrick had seen. Patrick had loved the bits of London they had explored. All the historic buildings captivated him, even with the grey winds and the winter wind … yet Romford just seemed tired. Like the winter weather had caused Romford to wilt and admit defeat. Surrendering to the elements.

"Uh huh. This is Romford … in all its glory." Kevin replied with a satirical grin.

"Erm … Well … it's quite something." Patrick said hesitantly, glancing around at the dilapidated shop fronts.

"It's a fucking shit hole!" Kevin said with a laugh. "It's definitely not improved with time away. Come on … I'll give you the full tour on our way to meet Mum. You can see the grand sights."

"Are there … I mean … there are grand sights of Romford?" Patrick asked sceptically gesturing towards the graffiti on the bus shelter. "I guess … I'm struggling to see the grand part?" Patrick said with a small laugh.

"Ah! But this is the Kevin Matheson grand tour and history. You wouldn't wanna miss that, would you?" he asked, grabbing Patrick's hand and leading on. "So that … that's not just any old bus shelter. Uh uh. That is the bus shelter where I had my first kiss with Jennifer Green, age 13."

"That so? Should I be jealous?" Patrick asked teasingly.

"Probably. It was very romantic. I bought her chips. I'm a gent like that. We sat in the bus shelter. Then we snogged. She dribbled. I used too much tongue. It was awful. We never spoke again." Kevin sighed dramatically. "Great romance. Life changing really."

"Wow. I'm jealous Kevin. Definitely. I mean … you've never bought me chips on a date." Patrick fake pouted.

"Dammit. Chips. You mean … that was all it would have taken to seduce you Patrick Murray? None of my grand romantic gestures … just chips. Bollocks. Woulda been nice and easy." Kevin grinned.

"Are you calling me easy?" Patrick asked laughing.

"I bloody hope you will be later." Kevin seductively ran his eyes over Patrick. "Now come on, I wanna show you my school and shit before we meet Mum and it's bloody freezing. Kevin pulled Patrick along by the hand, and they proceeded to walk through Romford. Kevin pointed out the pub that had always served youngsters underage, the council steps which were apparently the hang out for any cool 15 year old in the summer, and the hotel where Kevin had lost his virginity to an older man. It had been strange for Patrick to try and imagine a younger Kevin, inexperienced and vulnerable. Patrick couldn't detach from the virile sex machine that he had grown to know and love. The man who dominated in the bedroom and knew exactly what he wanted, who knew how to hold Patrick on the brink, the very same man who would then submit to Patrick with such love and tenderness. It was strange establishing this past and linking it to the man who Patrick hoped was his entire future.

"This was my school." Kevin said, gesturing to the concrete building that stood, encased by iron railings.

"Redden Court School: A Special School of Math's and Technology. Sounds posh!" Patrick said, glancing at Kevin. "Is that why you're such a computer whizzkid? Cause you went to a specialist school?"

"Fuck no. Back in the 90's this was a right proper shit-hole. The local comp. We barely had computers or anything. I think there were like three in the whole school. They've done it all up since. Got funding to specialise in Maths and Computing. They … er … they asked me to come back once."

"Whaddya mean?" Patrick queried, looking over the building, trying to imagine a young Kevin growing up there.

"Some publicity bollocks. They were opening for the press with their specialist status, so tried to get ex-students who had done something remotely successful to come back. Give an assembly, inspire children, say how wonderful the school was, and declare it the only reason for our success."

"And you didn't…?"

"Fuck no! The place was a fucking shit. They didn't believe I'd ever get a job with computers. Video gaming was not a career. They advised me to go to the local college and train to be a plumber. They seemed to casually forget all the fights and trouble I'd got into, all the bulling that they failed to stop. The fact that six lads beat me up, fractured my ribs, and then they threatened to expel me, by telling me it was my fault for being gay... But y'know. Then I got a job in gaming. Got alright at it…suddenly the school wanted me back again. Want to take the glory. Bastards." He said with a half shrug, before beckoning Patrick to continue walking.

"Wait. What? You got beaten up and your school said it was your fault for being gay? How did they even…?!" Patrick asked with outrage and concern.

"Yup." Kevin replied, popping the p sound on the end of the word. "Welcome to Romford in the 90s. It was my final year. I was only out to my closest friends. Toby really. Obviously Jason knew too, but he was still very safely hidden in the football locker room closet himself. And then a rumour got round. They'd heard I liked Take That. That was it. A group of 6 of them took me down after school, round the back of the bike sheds." Kevin paused, and gave a small shrug. "They fractured a few ribs, gave me a black eye. Y'know. The school just said I should take more care over my life-choices. Like I decided to be gay, or decided to let them beat me up. I gave up on school after that. Became the class clown more to get people to like me, played football as much as I could to stay in with the guys, stopped trying in lessons. Started exercising too; joined a boxing class; learnt to defend myself a bit. I still got some exams and stuff, but I was always in trouble for pissing around in class or suspended for fighting. There was just no point."

"Oh my god." Patrick said softly. "But I mean… you never said anything before about this?"

Kevin gave Patrick a small smile and a shrug. "I dunno. I mean. It's not the sort of thing you can just bring up, y'know? But … it happened. And I suppose it gave me the motivation to just get the fuck out of Romford. So, y'know … it was kinda the reason I am who I am too?" Kevin shrugged again. "Now, come on. My mother is dying to meet you, and I'm fucking starving." Kevin said with a small laugh.

Patrick glanced up at the sign that was swinging in the cold February wind. The paintwork on it was peeling, but he could just make out the small white cloud like shape on it, and the very faded outline of what had once been a grand sign.

"So … this isn't like the dogs, is it?" He questioned nervously.

"Whatcha on about?" Kevin asked, scrunching his eyebrows in confusion.

"Well … I mean … the dogs wasn't a pub. It was dog racing. The Lamb." Patrick beckoned to the faded pub sign. "Is this definitely a bar? Or am I going to be forced to place bets on which lamb wins the race … or gets eaten by the big bad wolf or something?"

Kevin cackled with laughter "That would be brilliant! And nah … this isn't like the dogs. Nor is this a bar. This is a traditionally shitty Romford pub. And you're going to fucking love it. Just erm … watch out for the sticky floors."

Patrick dramatically shuddered, before walking in through the open door, praying there would be a fire to help him warm up from the cold wintery day. Kevin marched confident through the crowded pub. Patrick glanced around, wondering if it was crowded because everyone else was sheltering from the cold weather, or if this was typical for a pub in Romford on a Saturday. It struck him that it was probably the latter. Patrick stopped suddenly, realising that having got lost in his train of thought, they had stopped beside a table with a man, a woman, and two blonde teenage girls sat at it, staring at menus.

"KEVIN! Hiiiiiiiiii baby! Look at you!" The woman stood up and rushed over, before pulling Kevin in to a large embrace. "Oh and you must be Patrick! HI!" she said loudly, before pulling a startled Patrick in to a hug as well. "Oh Kevin," she said, stepping back to observe Patrick before looking back to her son, "he's a bit handsome in't he? You gays get the pick of all the best looking men." She sighed dramatically.

"Alright Mum." Kevin chuckled. "Let's not scare him off. Patrick, this is my incredibly loud and overly enthusiastic Mum, Cathy. I didn't realise you were erm … bringing everyone? But erm … everyone, this is my boyfriend Patrick." Kevin said with a smile, beckoning Patrick to the table.

"Erm … Hi Everyone." Patrick said with a smile, glancing around at the table and trying to work out who everyone was.

"Oh Kevin! Introductions! I forget you haven't met them all yet either! Sometimes I just forget how much happens whilst you're away." Cathy said grinning at the man sat gruffly at the table. "Kevin, baby, this is my Ron, and his two daughters, Shannon and Stacey."

"Hello." Kevin shook Ron's hand across the table, before nodding at the two girls. "We're gonna go grab a drink from the bar. Can we get anyone anything?" Kevin and Patrick walked over to the crowded bar, waiting their turn to be served, as Kevin took a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry about my Mum. She can be a bit … erm … full on? She means well. I didn't realise she was gonna bring Ron and the girls with her. Sorry. I suppose I'm not surprised, she'd want me to meet them and we're only here for one day. I just never asked. Are you ok?" Kevin looked worriedly at Patrick, worried this would all be too much.

"Me? Yes. Fine… Honestly, I'm fine." He said laughing at the look Kevin gave him. "Your Mum seems great. Really great. I guess I just … she left you? And now she's got this whole life you've never met, and two new daughters to look after. Is that weird for you?"

"Erm … yeh … a little … I guess? I dunno. I mean … she's my Mum." Kevin gave a small shrug. "She lives her life here, and I live mine with you."

"Ok." Patrick nodded. "You'd tell me if you weren't ok though, wouldn't you?"

Kevin smiled and nodded at Patrick. Their eyes meeting. Very quietly, almost to himself, he whispered "I'll always be ok if you're here Patrick Murray. Always."

Kevin and Patrick got their drinks and returned to join the table. Shannon and Stacey sat glued to their mobile phones, their thumbs moving at rapid pace as they updated facebook statuses, tweeted, whatsapped, and shared their every thought with the social media world, whilst Ron and Cathy sat closely together, their hands entwined. Ron was muttering something in to Cathy's ear, causing her to blush and squeal theatrically. Kevin glanced at Patrick and pulled a face, before both men laughed loudly. Kevin did not want to know what Ron had just said to his mum. Their lunch continued; Shannon and Stacey remained glued to their mobile phones. They had nothing to relate to Kevin, or to Patrick, nor were they particularly enamoured with their dad's new partner, however, they were keen to tell all their friends that Kevin and Patrick were "well fit, shame they're gay". They joined the conversation, just once, when Cathy mentioned visiting Kevin in San Francisco in the summer, to see his new and Patrick's new apartment. Stacey and Shannon took enough interest to ensure they would be invited too, before returning back to their phones to boast to their friends, and research shopping opportunities.

Patrick pushed back his plate, still half filled with large chips, and half a pie. "That was crazy." He exhaled showing how full he was. "Who can eat that amount of carbs?"

"Welcome to Romford!" Kevin said, laughing, as he pushed his clear plate away. "Steak and ale pie has to come with chips. It's like a British law."

"But I mean … Pastry AND chips?"

"Uh … yes … Coming from the American whose entire culture is pizza and hamburgers?" Kevin laughed, leaning in, teasing Patrick.

Patrick held his hands up in defeat, laughing. "Ok, Ok, I'm just saying. I'm so full. That was insane."

"Good honest pub grub that was." Ron said gruffly.

"Oooooh. You two are just the cutest… Aren't they just the cutest?" Cathy asked Shannon and Stacey. "Now. Can I tell you my news? I mean … I'm surprised you haven't spotted it yet." Cathy waved her hands theatrically.

"Spotted what?" Kevin asked confused.

"This!" Cathy thrust her left hand out theatrically, a large ring sparked. Diamond with a pink sapphire in the middle.

"Oh! Erm … Congratulations?" Kevin smiled at his Mum and Ron.

"I know!" Cathy squealed. "Int it just beautiful? Ron surprised me with it last weekend. I was going to tell you when we spoke, but then I thought … No! I'd surprise you!"

"Wow…. Yep … definitely a surprise." Kevin said nodding.

"I'm surprised you didn't notice it. It's so big and sparkly." Cathy looked admiringly at the ring.

"No … I guess … I just ... never mind. So, your divorce has come through from Billy then?"

"Yes. Last weekend. That's when I asked her. I said, I did, didn't I love, that I wasn't gonna ask ya whilst ya still belonged to some ova bloke. I was gonna wait til I could make ya properly mine." Ron chimed in to the conversation.

"He did." Cathy beamed at Ron lovingly. "But I got the papers through on Saturday morning, and he took me out to dinner that evening. So romantic."

"Wow. Well … Congratulations!" Patrick said, trying to fill in the silence left by Kevin.

"Yup. Congratulations. That's great Mum. I'm happy for you." Kevin said with a smile. "Here's to fourth time lucky." He said, slightly sarcastically, whilst raising his glass and tipping it in their direction, a nod at a toast.

"Oh you two will come back for the wedding, won't you? In the Summer I think. We're thinking June."

"But that's … that's only 4 months away Mum. We'll have to see with work? And my Visa. They only let you come back so much. You know that."

"Oh I know, but you missed my wedding to Billy. And I want you both there for this one. It's going to be beautiful. Hot pink, silver and butterflies is the theme. Shannon and Stacey are gonna be bridesmaids, aren't you girls? Oh! And you two could be in the grooms party! You'd both look so handsome in your morning suits. Oh please baby, say you'll come? You too Patrick."

"We'll see … ok Mum?" Kevin replied smiling as Patrick took his hand under the table. "We'll see." Kevin glanced at his watch. "We should probably be heading off actually, I told Toby we'd be with him about 5. The cab should be here any minute."

"Oh stay longer, please baby. Please stay. You've barely even got here, and there's so much to say. Tell Toby you'll come later."

"Sorry Mum." Kevin smiled weakly. "They're going out tonight so I can't. Only the one day in Romford, y'know?" He stood up, before walking around the side of the table and shaking Ron's hand, before hugging his Mum. "It was good to see you though?"

Cathy wiped an over dramatic tea away. "Call me when you get back? And tell me all about your time in London? Oh I can't believe I won't see you again for ages. Oh Patrick it was lovely to meet you." She reached in to sweep Patrick in to a hug. "I can see you're so good for Kevin. So good. You make him so happy."

Patrick blushed as he caught the look of love that Kevin gave him, before saying good bye to Kevin's mum, and putting on his coat. Together Kevin and Patrick waved goodbye to the girls, before heading back out to meet the February rain.

The cab pulled them up to a small, mid terrace house. In the dark it appeared to be identical to every other house on the street, with a small gated front garden, and a gravel path leading up to a front door.

"You ready for this? We don't have to stay long." Kevin said, glancing at the tired looking Patrick.

"It's fine. He's your friend. You have to see him." Patrick said with a smile, before supressing a small yawn. "It's fine! It's just been a lot to take in. But I'm excited to meet your friends." Kevin picked up the heavy door knocked and rapped it a few times.

"Kevin you American tosser!" a tall male stood silhouetted in the open doorway. "Oh Jesus Christ. You've gone all gay yank on us and started working out. Fuck me. Love yourself a bit?" The man said grinning, as he held open the front door.

"Toby you financial wanker. Look at you, slick prick in a suit. Still not left Corporate hell then?"

"Nah. Some of us have to be grown-ups Kevin. Can't all be over-grown children like you, playing video games." Kevin and Toby grinned at each other, before pulling each other in for a hug.

"Is that so?" a female voice could be heard from in the house. "Doesn't seem to stop you being an over-grown child and playing video-games every evening you come home!" the female voice laughed. "Now, would you let them come in, and shut the door cause it's bloody freezing. Also. Voices down please. Small child has only just got to bed." A petite female figure came in to the hallway, a small baby bump prominent, as she beamed and pulled Kevin in for a hug.

"Oh shit. He got you again!" Kevin said with a laugh, looking at the baby bump.

"What can I say? I just have super sperm." Toby said grinning proudly.

"When are you gonna learn that if you let him stick it in you … you will get pregnant." Kevin said laughing looking at the petite lady.

"Urgh. I know. Lesson learnt. He's not coming near me again." She said grinning at her husband horrified expression.

"You should learn from us gays." Kevin said with a laugh. "There's always oral or anal. No pregnancy risk there." Kevin and Toby cackled, as Toby slapped him on the back.

"Yes! See love. That's why you should give me more blow jobs. No risk of getting pregnant if it's in your mouth."

"Or don't worry baby. I'm not getting pregnant again after this little one." She rubbed her belly affectionately. "You know the agreement. You get a vasectomy, or we abstain. No risk of pregnancy, or blow jobs, either way." She said with a large smile as her husband continued to look on in horror. "Now, you must be Patrick. Sorry about these two, they're rude as hell when they get together. You'll never get an introduction. Straight in with the sex talk. I'm Jenny, and that rude buffoon of an over-grown child is unfortunately my husband, Toby. Can I get you a drink Patrick? Some of us have manners." She said teasingly, as she ushered Patrick in to a warm open kitchen. It was surprisingly large considering how small the house had appeared from the outside, and Patrick felt instantly at ease and relaxed.

"Josh said he'll be along in about half an hour. It was his day with Emily today, so he has to take her back to her Mum first. Then he'll drop by." Toby said casually to Kevin, as he began fixing drinks.

"How's that going for him? Is he ok?" Kevin asked with concern, as he sat at the wooden kitchen table, next to Patrick.

"I think it's killing him." Jenny said softly. "He hates being apart from Emily, but Jess won't relent y'know. One day a week is all he has. But he's trying to be the best dad he can be for Em. He's been to every single parent's evening and school event. They go to court in a couple of weeks about custody, so hopefully he'll get more time then."

"Christ. That must be really hard on him." Kevin said with a small sigh, as he took his drink from Toby.

"This is Josh who you were at college with?" Patrick asked. "Sorry, trying to catch up on names."

"Yup. We were the three amigos at college." Toby said proudly. "Now, Kev, how the fuck do I get past that giant submarine on level 14 on Naval Destroyer? I swear. I've been stuck there for months."

"Oh god, I'm sorry Patrick. Ignore those two. We're gonna lose those two on video-game talk now. This always happens. The moment we get on to video-game chat, there's no hope for any kind of adult conversation. It's worse when Josh's here. They're obsessed with Kev's games. Now, why don't you tell me all about you? What do you do? How did you meet Kev? Toby is rubbish at gossiping and giving me all the juicy details."

"Erm … well … I actually work with Kevin." Patrick said with a grin. "That's how we met … I'm erm … I'm the lead designer on Naval Destroyer."

"Oh for fuck sakes. So you're gonna be just as bad." Jenny said with a despairing laugh as the doorbell rang. "That'll be Josh. Right. That's it. I'm gonna leave you boys to your childish game talk. I'm gonna take a bath and be a grown up and get ready for this evening. We're off to some insufferable charity auction for Toby's work…. Toby, don't forget we have to leave at 7.45pm, and you must be ready. The babysitter will be here at 7.30. Ok?"

Toby saluted at his wife's instructions, before blowing her a kiss as she marched out of the kitchen to let Josh in. Introductions were made, and the four men settled down to some intense video game talk.

Patrick sat on the end of the hotel bed, as he listened to Kevin whistling away in the ensuite. It was only 9pm, yet Patrick felt exhausted. It had been a long day, and the adrenaline that had built Patrick up to meeting Kevin's friends and family had left him utterly shattered. Patrick stared at his phone, swiping through the pictures that Kevin's mum had insisted on taking of the pair of them. Sat, arm in arm, grinning at the camera, looking happy and love. Patrick smiled sadly, as a single tear ran down his face. He hurriedly wiped it away with the back of his hand as Kevin walked out of the ensuite in just his boxers. Kevin plopped beside Patrick on the end of the bed.

"I cannot believe you fucking survived today. You were bloody awesome… What's wrong?" He asked, stopping mid-sentence having noticed Patrick's forlorn expression.

"What? Nothing. It's nothing. I'm just being really silly." Patrick said sniffing.

"Patrick. What is it? What's happened? Did someone say or do something?" Kevin asked concerned. He ran a hand over Patrick's cheek, wiping away another tear, as he searched Patrick's face, desperately seeking an answer.

"Are we doomed Kevin? Is our relationship doomed?" Patrick asked softly, looking down at the picture of the two of them on his phone.

"Wha… why … what's brought this on Patrick? We're happy aren't we? You'd tell me if you weren't happy?" Kevin asked anxiously.

"Of course I'm happy, Kevin." Patrick said, looking in to Kevin's eye. "That's the problem. We're so happy. Look." He showed Kevin the pictures on his phone. "But I mean … your Mom, my Mom, your dad, your friend Josh … they were all happy too. And now look. That's not going to happen to us, is it?"

"Oh Patrick." Kevin sighed, and leaned in to pull Patrick in for a hug. Patrick nestled his chin in to Kevin's neck, as Kevin traced patterns lightly across Patrick's back. "I'm not gonna let that happen to us. I'm not."

"It's just. I thought about what they've all been through. And they're the influences in our lives. And they've all cheated, or broken up, and they were happy once and we got together through cheating, so are we as bad as them? Will it happen to use again? It scared me to how much power you have to hurt me. How much you could break me. And I don't think I could lose you Kevin. Not now. I just. I couldn't lose you and move on like they all have. Even the thought of it hurts too much?" Patrick said quietly, pulling out of the hug slightly to look at Kevin.

Kevin put his hands on either side of Patrick's face as he met him to look him in the eye. "Look at me Patrick Murray. I would never hurt you. Ever. Because hurting you? It hurts me more. When I fucked up and chose Jon? It hurt me more. It hurt me far more than it hurt you. And I'm not losing you. I'm not. And we're not our parents. They've fucked their own relationships up, but we're not going to let that happen. We're honest with each other. This is good. Talking about how we feel. This is what they don't have. We're nothing like them. Absolutely nothing like them. Ok? Trust me?"

"Ok." Patrick sniffed, and nodded again. "Ok. I'm sorry. It's just. I love you so much, and sometimes it scares me to think of losing you. Losing all this. And then today, and meeting everyone. It just … the feeling kinda overwhelmed me."

"That's the first time you've said it." Kevin said with a small triumphant grin.

"Said what?" Patrick asked softly, looking at Kevin questioningly.

"That you love me." Kevin said, his grin getting bigger.

"What … no it's not … I said…"

"Since our fight." Kevin interrupted Patrick. "Since our fight before Christmas. It's the first time you've told me that you love me since our fight."

"What … No … I've…" Patrick paused, flustered.

"I've told you I love you, and you've said 'you too' or 'me too' back. But you've not said I love you outright since… It's fine." Kevin said softly, placing a finger on Patrick's chin to tilt his head up to him, so their eyes met. "I was waiting. I knew you needed time to remember. Time to say it when you were ready. And you have." Kevin grinned again triumphantly.

"Oh." Patrick said softly. "Well … I do. I love you. So much that it hurts sometimes."

"I know." Kevin said softly. "I know, because sometimes it hurts me at how deeply I love you. It is scary Patrick. It is. But we'll find a way to make it work. We're not losing each other. Ok? Because I love you too. So much. We're tired, and it's been a long day. Come to bed with me? Please. So I can show you just how completely fucking in love with you I am."


End file.
